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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 26, 2017 14:21:36 GMT -6
I know - assume, anyway - this isn't supposed to be some critique of my writing, but... ugh. I've already been questioning it lately and kinda feeling a lot of points Just's making, and the fact someone else is pointing them out means... Dammit. Honestly, there's a lot of stuff I wish I could un-write at this point. And not just in this.
I think... I'm going to take a break for a few days. Ya'll work this out without me.
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Post by SpringForest on Sept 26, 2017 14:39:24 GMT -6
I never said your writing was bad. Where'd you get that from?
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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 26, 2017 14:51:07 GMT -6
I didn't mean to imply you had. I've just been feeling like my writing's lackluster lately. I've been worried about sameness, lack of meaningful development, whether some scenes went too far and got uncomfortable... among some other things. The fact other people are seeing the same things means I'm right to be worried.
I'm probably just a bit burnt out from trying to write and run too many different things on top of almost all my other time going to revising my thesis.
So. Break.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 14:58:00 GMT -6
Yeah its just that Mystic has the wrong ideas...... Okay on a more serouis note.
I like the dynamic and the relationship between Gale x Lily more then with Gin. I like how they were childhood friends and even though Gale never got a chance to hang out and know Lily. I like now that Lily can be calm and relax and just well anything but a princess with Gale around. Its like she can be a girl around her and not Lily the princess of the nation. Lily the diplomat or Lily some noble.
Gale likes Lily for who she is and wants to be there for her.
The only reasons I seen your against it is because apparently we have too many same sex relationships. But that was voted on by the other readers. It was discussed as a group and we were free to go elsewhere. So your trying to go against the "norm".
Second I am hearing because Gin is "cute". Really that reason makes about as much sense as you saying I like Gale for her lewdness and tickling. No I like Gale because its people like you that dismiss her as some air head and just think she's there for tickling and lewdness. She has proven herself time and time again. In fact she's often bested Lily when it was one on one.
Third reason is because they click on the battlefield. Well you know who else clicks on the battlefield with Lily, Zenia. You want to ship those two together because of that. I think Gin makes a better friend but no I dont see what you see in Gin.
We will just have to agree to disagree on this subject Just. I am not budging on this. If Crow wants to change it so that Lily x Gale can't be together for reasons fine.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 15:00:04 GMT -6
I didn't mean to imply you had. I've just been feeling like my writing's lackluster lately. I've been worried about sameness, lack of meaningful development, whether some scenes went too far and got uncomfortable... among some other things. The fact other people are seeing the same things means I'm right to be worried. I'm probably just a bit burnt out from trying to write and run too many different things on top of almost all my other time going to revising my thesis. So. Break. Why just because one person thinks the same way we all of a sudden think the same. Really Crow because Just feels the way he does its all of a sudden me and Emppy feel the same way. No I like Gale and Lily for different reasons. But if you want to take a break and just harpoon a relationship or ship because of reasons fine. |
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Post by SpringForest on Sept 26, 2017 15:04:37 GMT -6
You're taking this too personally, X. And you tend to add things that never existed when you're reading things. Crow never said everyone thought his writing was garbage. He said he thought there were some issues and the fact I noticed them means he thinks that it's probably actually something that he should address. That's just how he feels on it. Then he said he's just gonna take a break because he's probably just burnt out, which is very common for people that write.
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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 26, 2017 15:14:19 GMT -6
X.
1. I'm a people, too. That makes 2 people that feel that way.
1.a. I count extra because I'm me.
1.b. I have a lot of respect for Just as a writer, so that also counts extra.
2. Amateur or not, I want my writing to be the best it can be. Sometimes that means taking a step back.
3. It gives me more time to be ready for EW this week, catch up on schoolwork, get the next set of maps and tokens set, refine some characters and plot points, and meet up with Regi.
4. I'm not going to make Lily/Gale impossible or anything like that. Aside from Rand, there's only one character Lily can't get with and no one's shown interest in her.
5. Chill.
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Post by SpringForest on Sept 26, 2017 15:16:18 GMT -6
Lily is like that with everyone. Except for maybe a few of the other country representatives in the group.
I'm not trying to go against everyone because I'm some uptight hipster, I'm just sick of the same thing repeating.
I don't know what you're attempting to say about Gale being an airhead. I never discounted her battling skills. I didn't say she was explicitly there for tickling and LEWD, but it's undeniable that was the intention with at least the first support. And maybe the second. Crow even stated himself that both Gale and Alice tend to be lewd magnets. The character herself was not made for it, no, but the support in particular was simply put together to please those that wanted it. I have no interest in something so artificial. It feels forced and I don't like it.
Lily and Gale do not function well on the battlefield. I should know. I'm the only one that gives proper battle commands. They both serve the same role, which is offense. Lily also does not work well with Zenia. I tend to have Zenia be a boss crusher for powerful enemies. She doesn't really work with anyone aside from Isana and Suarrure. Lily and Gin function perfectly as a team because Lily's dark magic gives her the range to attack enemies from behind Gin while Gin's Provoke and defenses keep the enemy distracted. Plus, if Lily needs to take out a mage for Gin, she can with her sword. They balance each other out like a good couple should.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 15:51:21 GMT -6
..... Whatever you guys can handle this. I try to give reasons and you just dismissed them.
Fine Just can make allllllllllll of the descisons from now on. I am done trying to particpate in this.
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Post by SpringForest on Sept 26, 2017 15:57:57 GMT -6
I believe you are overreacting, but I do not mind working alone. With Emppy.
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Post by empireoffire on Sept 26, 2017 16:09:05 GMT -6
I believe you are overreacting, but I do not mind working alone. With Emppy. Ties. Ties everywhere. |
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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 26, 2017 16:35:15 GMT -6
X. Time for you to take a step back and breath.
People disagreeing doesn't mean they're dismissing.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 17:41:01 GMT -6
I believe you are overreacting, but I do not mind working alone. With Emppy. Ties. Ties everywhere. Oh no not if i only side with Emppy there wouldn't be any ties. Even if Emppy doesn't vote. |
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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 28, 2017 21:09:42 GMT -6
I'll probably be back to writing... either Sunday or Tuesday. So if ya'll still want to fight/debate about this anymore, get it over with.
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Post by SummerCrow on Sept 30, 2017 19:15:41 GMT -6
Also, June. Is not a lesbian, obviously. mailbag thoBisexual. There's a difference. She's got 2 kids. |
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Post by SummerCrow on Oct 1, 2017 0:27:35 GMT -6
After some debate, everyone decides who's taking who with them. Rand will lead the team going to Valm with Hyun'ji and Alice, while Lily will escort Zenia and Isana to Mala.
"A trip to Valm, huh...? I'd love to see it sometime, but I guess now isn't the time for sightseeing," Lily says. She gives Rand a hug. "Take care of yourself, alright?"
Rand hugs her back. "Hey, who're you talking to? I'll be fine. Besides, Mina's going to be with me."
"I'll see you back home in a few weeks?" Lily asks.
Rand nods. "Hopefully. If we run into anything weird, I'll try to send word about... whatever it is Alice needs to do. Try to keep you updated."
"Good enough," Lily says. She lets him go and turns to start assembling her group.
Rand leaves to do the same, Alice in tow, only to find Pixie waiting for him just outside. She clutches her necklace to her chest. "U-um!"
Rand is a bit surprised. "Oh! Hello. Did you need something...?"
"T-take me... that is... I want to go with you. And Alice. P-please," she stammers.
"Huh? But... you don't want to stay with your family?"
Pixie whimpers and withdraws a bit. She stares uncomfortably at her feet and shakes her head meekly.
Alice taps Rand on the shoulder and simply stares at him. She motions subtly towards the battleground where they found her. Where she was fighting against a flock of crows.
It takes Rand a second, but then it clicks. "Oh...! Ah... W-we'd be happy to have you. But... we may run into trouble. Are you sure you're OK with that?"
Pixie sniffles. "...Alice and Allune will be there, right? I'll... I'll be OK... Please?"
Rand pats her on the shoulder. "Alright, alright. Go ahead and get packed, we're leaving as soon as the relief team arrives."
"Thank you..." Pixie manages a weak smile as she flies off.
"I should prepare, as well," Alice says. "I think I should pack a spare outfit."
Rand nods. "Gotcha. I'll see you in a bit. Need to see if Hector's done hunting." He whistles for his mount as he walks towards the edge of the village.
Alice returns home to find her mother waiting just inside, seated in a chair. "Alice... I need to speak with you before you leave."
"Mother?" Alice is hesitant. She can hear something in her mother's voice that she's never sensed before. Uncertainty?
"I... Hm..." Mary falls silent again, then produces a black-bound tome from her side. "I want you to take this with you. I... fear the witch may have attacked us in search of this..."
"Is that...?" Alice gasps.
"Yes. The Goetia tome."
"The same one you used when you were traveling with June? I thought the Archmage took it back to Terranus after you wiped out the one summoning the Risen...?"
"He did."
"Then...?"
Mary's free hand rises to nervously play with her hair. "There's something that we didn't tell... most people. Not even everyone who was at our final battle knows. I knew I'd have to tell you someday..." She stops fiddling with her hair and flips open the tome with a sigh. "We found a second Goetia tome. An exact copy. Which... shouldn't exist. And yet, here it is..." Mary stares at the tome with an eerie, reverent expression as she flips through a few pages.
Alice watches silently for a few moments. "Mother?"
"Hm? Oh... Yes. Sorry. I want you to take this tome. I... realize it may put you in danger, if the witch comes for this tome, for you. It truly pains me to do this, as a mother. But... something tells me I must."
Alice nods. "I understand."
"Do not try to use it, Alice," Mary commands. "You're no neophyte, but you're just learning dark magic. I'd always used dark magic, yet it still wore on my soul to wield it for even a short time. If you try to use it as you are now, I fear you may be overwhelmed."
Alice nods again. "I understand."
Mary closes the book and stares at Alice solemnly. She slowly reaches out and offers her daughter the tome. "I trust you, Alice. I know you can bear this burden. Remember, you're to be my successor some day, should you choose. Not a day have I ever thought you unequal to the task."
"I..." Alice trails off. She wipes her eyes, then takes the tome. "Thank you... Mother."
Mary grabs her into a hug. "Be careful, Alice. I know you'll come home to me, someday, but I'd rather you be unhurt..."
The reinforcements arrive shortly after a simple dinner. Everyone says a final farewell as the group splits up to go about their tasks...
END OF CHAPTER 5 - Before the Dawn
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Post by SummerCrow on Oct 1, 2017 2:46:26 GMT -6
The first night, just as Lily and Zenia set out, Kurt pulls Lily aside and declares he'll meet up with them at the ruins of Mala. He disappears without waiting for a response. Lily watches him disappear into the night, knowing it's futile to call after him.
The journey passes uneventfully until they near the former port town. Zenia seems a bit annoyed, moreso than normal, and Lily is hesitant to make conversation. Isana is being unnaturally shy and quiet. She almost seems worried, maybe because the negotiations went so badly. A half-day's march from their destination, they make camp and plan to arrive in the morning.
Lily lies in bed asleep. Her tent's flap flutters like it's blowing in the wind. A male figure looms over her prone form. He reaches down and lightly brushes her back. In an instant, Lily has a knife in her hand. She rolls and stabs at the figure.
Kurt catches her wrist. "Whoa, Lily! Calm down, it's me," he whispers.
"...Kurt...?" Lily asks groggily.
"Yeah. Sorry to wake you like this, but I needed to talk to you," Kurt says. "Privately. Alone. Get it?"
"Uh...? Hm?" Lily moans.
"I need to see your brand," Kurt states flatly.
"How did you know about that!?" Lily demands, snapping awake.
"...I didn't," Kurt grins. "Not for sure, anyway."
Lily looks simultaneously disappointed with herself and furious with Kurt.
"H-hey, look. Your dad told my dad about his brand. I just assumed it would be passed down to his firstborn, y'know? Like with Rain and Storm. Sorry," Kurt apologizes.
Lily continues to glare at him. "What do you want, Kurt?"
"Alright. Well. First of all, I need to tell you something... difficult. I've had my contacts looking into that little coup at Trine. The Carcinan troops that were there demanding the king's head."
Lily sits up. She stares silently and waits for Kurt to continue.
He frowns at Lily. "In short, they're challenging your claim to the throne."
"What...?"
"They're challenging. Your claim. To the throne." Kurt speaks in short bursts.
"I... what? I heard you, I just... don't..." Lily mutters.
"Listen. There are plenty of nobles who still don't approve of your mother. A commoner, and a Valerian. A Nagist. As queen of the Grimleal?" Kurt pauses to let it sink in. "And there's plenty of resent against your father for marrying her over... well, any of your own nobles. Now, your mother's a hero to the commoners after her efforts during the war, so they can't exactly move against them in public. But... they have something to rally behind now." Kurt actually hesitates. Uncomfortably. A rarity.
"Continue," Lily orders.
"A young woman. She... bears a strong resemblance to you, and - more importantly - your father. And she's marked with... a brand. Grima's brand."
"The brand and its meaning are closely guarded secrets... How...?"
"The secret's out," Kurt says. "Don't ask me how. More importantly, people are claiming this woman's your father's true firstborn, a bastard or something. And you're a pretender. A bunch of BS about your father pulling some big deception with your mother and blah-blah-blah. Look. The point is, you need to drop Zenia off, then head back to Tartarus and prove your claim to the throne. And the easiest way to do that is to show off your brand."
Lily opens her mouth slightly, then closes it again. She repeats the motion several times as a variety of emotions slide across her face.
"...I want to investigate this a bit more thoroughly. And to that end, I need to... well... I need to see what the real brand looks like. Get it? So... do you mind showing me?" Kurt asks.
Lily freezes. Barely more than a dozen people have ever seen her brand. Her parents, Rand and Mina, some of the senior royal guards, a handful of high-ranking priests, and a single trusted nursemaid...
(A) Show him
(C) Refuse
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Post by empireoffire on Oct 1, 2017 12:22:02 GMT -6
A. What could go wrong?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2017 14:24:24 GMT -6
A.) I guess right what's the worse that can happen?
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Post by SummerCrow on Oct 5, 2017 22:38:03 GMT -6
Lily lets out a heavy sigh, then nods. "Fine." She motions for Kurt to turn around and rises to her knees. She turns away and adjusts her nightgown to hang loose from her shoulders, revealing her upper back. "Alright, get it over with."
Kurt leans down to examine a large, dark-purple mark. "It looks like... a bunch of eyes? Or are these supposed to be wings...?" The brand seems to be staring back up at him.
"I don't know. I've never asked him," Lily says with a sarcastic bite in her voice.
"You say that as if you know him personally," Kurt says.
"I know what you're fishing for, Kurt. And yes. That's what it means to be his Hand. Or the successor to his Hand, anyway."
"So, he... speaks to you?"
"Rarely. It's been a few years." Lily clearly doesn't like talking about this. "Have you finished examining my brand yet?"
"Oh, right. I think so. Th-" A flutter from the tent flap cuts him off. He whirls around, knife in hand.
"Princess? I need to..." Isana trails off as she enters and drinks in the scene. She quickly turns her back. "I can come back later, if you need a moment."
Lily pulls her robe back up and turns to face the new arrival. "That won't be necessary. What do you need?"
Kurt backs away to let them speak, but gives Isana a wary glare.
Isana approaches Lily and drops to one knee. "I have come to tell you, Princess, that I will not be returning to Regna Ferox with Zenia."
"I'm sorry?" Lily asks. "You're going to have to explain what you're talking about."
"I... refuse to go back to the Great Khan." She glances at Kurt. "As your friend suspected, he did not send me to deliver a message to Zenia. I stole the message. As an excuse to get away from him."
"Why would you do something so... desperate?"
Isana looks to Kurt again. "I'd ask to speak with the princess alone, but I suspect you'd either outright refuse or quietly eavesdrop."
Kurt gives a dismissive shrug as if to agree with her.
"Zenia has forbidden me to speak of this with you, but... as I said, I am parting ways with her. In short, the Great Khan has not been himself of late. I fear much of what he's been doing recently is... not of his own design."
Lily stares at Isana. She doesn't look like she's comfortable speaking about this.
(A) Ask about the reasons behind the war
(B) Ask what's behind the changes in his behavior
(C) Ask how he's acting differently
(D) Ask where she plans to go
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