The OTHER Mailbag

Not if you don't want to.
Considering Lisa and Dogachu's ages, I'd advise against it.

I'm about 80% done with questions from chipping away at them in my down time. And haven't even thought about the not-question stuff.

*Waites*
I've been too busy to Waite.  Expect stuff Saturday.

Dress Dogachu in a Lisa costume.

No. There's lots of options. Somnis, Somnis' mom, Butts, Fox, Freya, Alice, Raine, Tom, Galleon, Tom's scooter... Characters from that game she likes. Previews of potential late-game armor. A giant ferret. I like ferrets.

Everyone is going to dress in Neo costumes during every mailbag from now on.

The curtains part to reveal a simulated beach scene. The sound of fake waves is pouring through the speakers, the lights are bright and sunny. A backdrop of sand and sea is draped behind the stage. A few fake trees are sitting to the sides, and a pair of chaise lounge chairs. Anna and Waite recline, dressed in matching frilled bikinis. Anna's is red, while Waite's is bright white. Waite still has her usual pearl necklace on, while sharp-eyed observers would notice she now wears a set of silver bracelets and anklets. Without her regular dress on, her figure is much more pale and slight than it normally appears. She wears a very, very forced smile, while Anna grins broadly, waving to the audience.

"Hey, everyone, welcome to the first Episode of The OTHER Mailbag!" Anna calls out. "So, who's ready to welcome our first set of guests? We've got a princess, a puppy, a computer cutie, and... whatever Waite here is. Well, without further ado!" Anna flicks her wrist and produces a stack of cards.

What's your favourite smell?

"Sea breeze."

Fresh or salt water?

"I'm not picky."

What was the last thing you ate?

"An alien creature similar to a fish."

So how's the weather?

"Decent. Sunny. Though it's going to get very, very cold soon. Are all of these questions going to be so banal?"

"Oh, no," Anna promises. "We're just doing a nice, easy warm-up. Speaking of warm-ups and sunny weather, y'know what I need? Some sunscreen." Anna produces a small bottle and tosses it to Waite. "So, why don't you come on over here and rub some on my shoulders, hm?"

Waite catches the bottle, looks at Anna in disgust, then stands up and walks over. She steps behind Anna, squirts some lotion into her palms, and wordlessly begins rubbing it into Anna's shoulders.

"Mm... Moving on," Anna says.

Better dog Charlie or Dogachu?

"Dogachu."

What is your Waite?

"140 pounds," Waite says.

"Oh? Lighter than I would've expected. Good," Anna says. She rolls over, facing the audience. "Now go ahead and get the back. Give it a good rub. Really get it in there... Oh, yeah, right there. Harder..." Anna demands as Waite snarls down at her. "Ahhh, so, which question was next...? Oh, yeah."

Least/Most Favorite Demon?

"Least, Dagon. Most... Hm. Charybdis."

Bast or Vorvadoss?

"Neither. I suppose, if I had to choose one, Vorvadoss," Waite says.

"I didn't tell you to stop..." Anna says. "Mm, yeah. Now, then..."

Are you the fastest thing alive? If not who?

"Decidedly not. I've no idea who, but I've seen enough to know it's not me. The fastest I've seen in person is Ithaqua."

Crow best bird?

"I believe Kira's favorite animal is a crow. I suppose they're fine."

"Yes, fine... Ah, don't forget the legs," Anna says, spinning around again. "So many people forget the legs and end up with sunburns. Oh, nice... Slower, though."

You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?

"Quite often."

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

"Not much," Waite promises.

"Hmmm, really? Well, I guess they're not for everyone. Ah, now, don't forget the feet," Anna says, fanning her toes expectantly. "Really rub that lotion in there... Yeah, just like that..." Anna closes her eyes. "Mmmm, that's good..."

"Aren't you supposed to be asking questions?" Waite spits.

"Yeah, yeah," Anna says.

You've been sealed inside of a gem and are stuck being a water creature in a 100 floor multi dimensional tower with a wind spirit actress, pervert cat, sleepy archer, and badass turtle. What will you do?

"Destroy everything in my way, find the bastard that sealed me away, kill him, then come home."

What exactly are you? Person, God, Fish god, Princess Peach's Time and Space Traveling daughter, Mother of Dragons, Neo, Just living water.

"A witch. No more, no less."

If you found a Second Seal, what would you use it for?

"I'm quite happy as a witch."

"Well, you'd have a promising career as a masseuse," Anna assures her. "Ah, unfortunately, that's all the time we have for now. We need to get you backstage and into your next costume, and give our next guest a chance, hm?"

Waite looks furious, almost ready to kill her on the spot. Then a smile slowly begins to spread across her face. The smile of someone willing to wait for revenge. Waite turns and waves to the audience as Anna rises from her chair and stretches. Waite allows Anna to lock arms with her and guide her off-stage.

The curtains part for the third time. Anna is still situated on top of the large tank of water. Waite's still inside, but no longer dressed as a mermaid. Now, she wears a heavy, black dress, lined with metal and covered in decorative silk. She stands barefoot in a thin layer of sand on the bottom of the bowl - able to swim despite the heavy weight, but content to stand idle. She's wearing match black gloves that ride up to her upper arms and holding a (fake) double-headed axe almost as large as she is.

Anna giggles. "Everyone, give a big welcome back to June!"

"I don't know who that is or why I'm dressed like this," Waite says.

"Oh, you'll probably meet her soon enough. Oh... Maybe we should've called in Catie again? I bet she'd be able to get a laugh out of you."

Waite shrugs. "If that's a threat, it's lost on me."

Anna sighs. Waite's really sucking the fun out of this. "Ready for the last few questions?"

Waite frowns, then forces a chilling smile. "And then you wipe my memory and send me on my merry way, right?"

"Mm-hm!"

"Then let's get it over with."

Is your body ready?

"What now?" Waite asks.

"No, that's just a question," Anna explains.

Waite silently glares at Anna for a moment, then slams the axe against the tank's glass. It doesn't have any obvious effect. Anna looks down and wags her finger at her. "Uh-uh-uh," she taunts. "You're not getting away from me that easily, little fishie. Don't worry, just a few more questions and you're done."

You're caught in King Boos illusion where your face to face with your greatest fear. All of your senses and whatever else you have are effected and you have to confront your greatest fear or ummm Kira....no you get turned into a painting. So what's your greatest fear and how do you overcome it?

"I don't want to become like my father. Fortunately, my own father taught me the skills I need to avoid that."

Would you rather lick Anna or have Anna lick you?

"Oh, well, whichever makes her more uncomfortable," Waite says with the same cold smile.

Are you a lonely fish demon lady thing?

"I suppose my life does get a bit lonely," Waite admits. "It's a bit nice to have an apprentice again."

Favorite type of Mythological creature not including yourself? Least Favorite?

"Favorite, chimerae," Waite says succinctly. "Least favorite, elder gods. Particularly Deep Ones." Anna waits for her to elaborate. She doesn't.

What would you like yourself and your waifu in training Kira to be covered with Syrup, Whip Cream, Honey, Blood of all your enemies?

"Whipped cream."

Custard or Mustard?

"Custard, assuming this is related to the last question."

What do you think about Kira?

"I'm... not sure. I can't get a read on her. One minute she's flirting with me, the next she doesn't seem to be interested. Romantically, anyway. Well, so long as she can keep up with me as an apprentice, I'll keep her around."

Is Kira the only one you ever had some feelings for?

"I don't believe you realize quite how old I am. Of course not. Though it has been quite some time."

So why Kira as the apprentice? Because she's cute?

"As I explained to Kira, we're simply compatible. For lack of a simpler term, our souls are on a similar wavelength. It would be easier to teach her magic compared to most people. And of the several people who fulfill that requirement, she seemed the best fit, and the most likely to agree." Waite folds an arm under her chest and rests her chin on her chest. "The fact she's cute's just a nice bonus."

If you could live a normal life no demons, no special dimensional powers your just a normal girl/woman. In return Kira falls heads over heel for you and there's no bad blood with Sara. Plus you two live a happy and healthy life but in return you lose all of your powers and are essentially a normal human. Would you do it?

"Absolutely not."

"You... want to justify that a bit?" Anna asks.

"Must I?"

"Well. It would be nice."

"Fine. Kira would've already died once, possibly twice, if I didn't have my powers. Get it? What's the point of having Kira if we would both just die?"

Why did you make Kira kiss you for an apple?

"Make her? I simply suggested a price, and she agreed to it. Which is fortunate, since it meant teaching her a useful lesson. If she'd simply asked, I would have given it to her as a gift. Bluntly, I did it to see if she would." Waite taps a finger against the flat of her axe impatiently.

Suggestions for the Rule 34 artists out there watching your every move?

"Rule 34?" Waite asks wearily.

"People drawing porn of you."

"Hmph. Suggestions? Fine. Remember that when someone decides they're interested, I lead. I set the pace. I don't do submissive. I enjoy finding creative ways to employ my magical talents. It can be cute to watch them struggle from time to time, but in the end I expect obedience. But the most important suggestion: pray I never find you. Especially if I don't like what you've been producing." Waite points her axe at the audience. Being stuck in the tank significantly diminishes any intimidation factor.

If you're an all powerful goddess why not just use your mythical goddess powers to take Kira away from Sara?

"It would be trivial, really, to take her. But I don't want some... mindless love doll. I want her to have that edge of nervousness masked behind her excitement. I want her able to squirm and beg - I want to watch her writhe with pleasure. No, I won't simply take Kira. If we're going to be together, she has to give herself to me."

Actually scratch that do you find Sara more attractive then Kira?

"Hm... I've only spoken with her twice, but she seems amicable enough. She strikes me as the type that would be quite fun to torment - assertive enough to push back with token resistance, but ultimately submissive. Cute. And she's quite attractive physically, as well. I admit the thought of her in certain... positions is quite exciting." Waite fiddles with her axe a bit more. "If Kira's not interested, then perhaps..."

So are you open to a harem of you, Sara, and Kira? If not please explain in the least spoiler way possible.

"What you're describing isn't a harem. It's a menage a trois. There's a rather significant difference..." Waite says. A smile crosses her face as she absently traces her finger on the axe. "Though I'd be open to creating my own harem. And Kira and Sara would make fine first additions. Well... unless you want to join, that is?" Waite looks up with a smirk.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass on that," Anna says.

Waite's smirk continues. "Shame. Really, unfortunate for you..." She slides a finger along the axe.

"What are you-" Anna begins. The axehead begins glowing with a pale sigil. Anna's eyes widen drastically. "Oh- security!"

"I told you, I don't do submissive!" Waite yells angrily. A tendril shoots out of the axe head and shoots out of the water.

Anna leans back and drops off the top of the tank in a panic. The tendril coils around her ankle and whips her into the air, then yanks her down into the water with a shriek.

There's a chaotic din from backstage as the staff runs to her aid. The curtains fly shut over the sounds of running, splashing, and panicked shouting. There's a loud sound of glass breaking and water comes flooding out under the curtain, running off the stage. Seconds later, the roars of water and demons begin and mix as Waite, laughing maniacally, begins unleashing her full power.

"Call in the- gah! Call in the backup!" Anna yells. The sounds of combat intensify as three other mages come running to her aid.

After a few moments, the din quiets. Anna come back onstage, sopping wet and still out of breath. Large shards of glass still litter the stage and several disguised workers mop up the remaining water. "We're... Yeah. We're done with Waite. We'll... be back with our next guest soon."