Post by SummerCrow on Sept 26, 2015 21:25:48 GMT -6
The crowd trickles in to the poorly-lit theater with boarded-up windows on the far side of town. Anna, dressed in an emerald dress slung over one shoulder, stands at the podium, looking bored. "Good evening, everybody. I'm Anna, and I'm pleased to... Well, I'm here to present the awards anyway. Welcome to the as-prestigious-as-but-totally-unaffiliated-from-the-other-Verse-awards awards! ...Ugh, why are we doing this here, again?"
"Some of us don't have ins with the Pokemon gods," a crow in a tiny tuxedo says.
"You have me, puny mortal!" a disembodied voice calls out.
"You don't exist yet," the crow reminds him.
"Gra-" a horrible beast screeches.
"You never appeared, so you don't exist either! And you aren't a god, just an archdemon."
"...Are you done?" Anna asks, disinterested. "I mean, you can go on and on as long as you want. Just remember I'm charging by the hour."
"Just... go."
"Right, then! Let's begin with Best Character who only appears in One Scene!"
Best Character Who Only Appears in One Scene
Worst (Best) Pun
Best Character Name which Includes at Least One Silent Letter
Most Unnecessarily Over-the-top Display of Super-violence
Best Deus Ex Illogica
Best Pink-haired Bird Tutor
Best Anna
Sauciest Anna
Best Golurk
Greatest Mailbag Question
Greatest Mailbag Security System
Most Random Response
SMEXiest Scene
"Whew! That's it for those 1-vote categories. Time for a break," Anna says.
"...What?"
"I'm taking a break. Be entertaining or something, I dunno," she says dismissively. "Don't tell me you didn't plan a half-time show."
"...No?"
"...Ugh, fine." Anna reaches down the front of her dress and pulls out an unmarked container. She upends it, draining it in a matter of seconds. She wipes her face with a frown. "Alright, lesh get this over with."
Best Supporting Character
Best Character Theme
Cutest Humanoid
Cutest Non-humanoid
Deadest Character
Most Waifu Aside from Doug
Most Husbando
Most Waifu/Husbando (Author Edition)
Best Pokemon
Best Name for Fenris
Best Romance Between Two People Named Georgia and Jackson
Best Instance of an Adorable Pokemon Being Adorable
Best Bromance
Greatest Rival to Bowser
Wealthiest Portrayal of Anna
Most unforgivable waste of soy sauce
Most Overrated Mythical Creature
Best Use of Science
Best Use of Magic
Biggest Airhead
Best One-Liner
"Are we still not done!?" Anna complains. "Ugh. I'm going to need another." She pulls another flask out of her dress and chugs it. "Mm. Not bad."
"Must you really do that at the podium...?"
"More entertaining than watching you fumble for something interesting to do," Anna says, her cheeks starting to match her hair. "Anyway, onto the last, most important categories."
Best Chest (Female)
Best Chest (Male)
Best Hero
Best Villain
Best Heroine
Best Villoine (Female Villain)
Best Mailbag
Best Nomination Category
Best Award
Metaest
"...Is it over? For real?" Anna asks hopefully.
"Yep. Got any more of that stuff?"
"It'll cost you."
"I can magically create more money," Crow points out.
"Then why are we in this run-down old theater!?" Anna complains.
"It's a metaphor."
"It's a crappy metaphor."
"I'm an amateur author."
"You're a crappy author."
"So, I just called myself a crappy author thr- ugh. Stop. We're done here. Bye, Anna, see you in Oz."
"Some of us don't have ins with the Pokemon gods," a crow in a tiny tuxedo says.
"You have me, puny mortal!" a disembodied voice calls out.
"You don't exist yet," the crow reminds him.
"Gra-" a horrible beast screeches.
"You never appeared, so you don't exist either! And you aren't a god, just an archdemon."
"...Are you done?" Anna asks, disinterested. "I mean, you can go on and on as long as you want. Just remember I'm charging by the hour."
"Just... go."
"Right, then! Let's begin with Best Character who only appears in One Scene!"
Best Character Who Only Appears in One Scene
Awakening!Fredrick in Austur! Whoo, yay! And then AZ and Neo. Whoever that is.
Worst (Best) Pun
Watch dog! Oh, how wacky. And then... Neo.
Best Character Name which Includes at Least One Silent Letter
Neo, then Wha-Wha.
Most Unnecessarily Over-the-top Display of Super-violence
Grigori vs. Eden, the deleted scene. Maybe it'll show up in the director's cut? Then the Sevii Island 3edgey scene.
Best Deus Ex Illogica
Whoa, no votes for Neo? Palkia wins. Then breathing underwater.
Best Pink-haired Bird Tutor
Neo. Then Toadette. With Yancy third.
Best Anna
Arceus!Anna, followed by Neo.
Sauciest Anna
Neo... again... tied with Yancy Mailbag Anna.
Best Golurk
...Neo.
Greatest Mailbag Question
Oh, thank Naga. Not Neo. "Do the carpets match the drapes?" followed by a tie between the not-Neos.
Greatest Mailbag Security System
Neo tied with the classic, standard Mankey system.
Most Random Response
GEEEEEENGAAAAAAAR. Oh, that's actually really fun to say.
SMEXiest Scene
Yancy Mailbag, followed by... that Austur scene.
"Whew! That's it for those 1-vote categories. Time for a break," Anna says.
"...What?"
"I'm taking a break. Be entertaining or something, I dunno," she says dismissively. "Don't tell me you didn't plan a half-time show."
"...No?"
"...Ugh, fine." Anna reaches down the front of her dress and pulls out an unmarked container. She upends it, draining it in a matter of seconds. She wipes her face with a frown. "Alright, lesh get this over with."
Best Supporting Character
Neo, then Zachi, then a tie between Jet and G-Man himself, Gallagher Steele.
Best Character Theme
Hm... This goes to Horatio and You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. Then, somehow, Neo, who doesn't even have a theme. Then Revolution 9 and Arceus!Anna. Then a huge tie.
Cutest Humanoid
Neo... then our real winner, Joanna. Just look at that face. Don't you dare take this from her, you mean ol' dragon.
Cutest Non-humanoid
Neo, then a two-way tie between Bowser Jr. and Disco.
Deadest Character
Jay, then... a big tie. Neo, Lane, Ghost-types, and the entire cast of Out of Darkness. Well, glad we don't have to print out that many trophies.
Most Waifu Aside from Doug
Neo. Second place, me. Wait, me?
Most Husbando
Neo. Even though he should really have been in the author edition... then GX, Emmpy, Glurk... and not until 5th place until we reach someone this category was intended for. Wow.
Most Waifu/Husbando (Author Edition)
Do you have to ask? Neo, with Doug in a distant second.
Best Pokemon
Neo, then a tie. Disco and Milotic. I do love a Pokemon with red hair.
Best Name for Fenris
Neo. Oh, that'll get confusing. Fen-fen, then Fennekin.
Best Romance Between Two People Named Georgia and Jackson
Neo, then a tie between Doug and Neo and the only two people who aren't actually disqualified.
Best Instance of an Adorable Pokemon Being Adorable
Neo, then "Not this Hentai." Whatever that means.
Best Bromance
Neo, with nobody. Then Dialga and Palkia.
Greatest Rival to Bowser
Neo, then a tie. X, himself, and his brat. Normally I'm all for red-heads sticking together, but I simply can't approve of graffiti.
Wealthiest Portrayal of Anna
Neo, then Golden Anna.
Most unforgivable waste of soy sauce
Neo, then Arcturus and Pearl... I don't remember any soy sauce, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Most Overrated Mythical Creature
Neo, by a wide margin. Then unicorns, strutting around with their stupid pointy faces. I agree, they're so overrated. And I'm not just saying that because pegasus knight isn't in my class set.
Best Use of Science
A four-way tie! Neo, HHD, HHD breathing, and that really long one about women's orgasm times. Guys - and girls - if you're using an equation instead of your gut, you're doing it wrong.
Best Use of Magic
Burning witches! Sorry, GX, you better run! Then a lot of ties.
Biggest Airhead
Neo, then a three-way with CC, Bowser, and Pearl Jam. Oh, poor choice of words.
Best One-Liner
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you so hard YOU WILL DIE TO DEATH!" Now, is that a winner, or a threat? ...Or both? Second place, "Pick a koopa and pray!"
"Are we still not done!?" Anna complains. "Ugh. I'm going to need another." She pulls another flask out of her dress and chugs it. "Mm. Not bad."
"Must you really do that at the podium...?"
"More entertaining than watching you fumble for something interesting to do," Anna says, her cheeks starting to match her hair. "Anyway, onto the last, most important categories."
Best Chest (Female)
Neo! Of course. Ugh. Good luck getting that image out of your head. Then Glinda - can't wait to get my hands on her - and Yancy, then June and Joanna.
Best Chest (Male)
Neo by a lot. Then an all-way tie between everyone else.
Best Hero
Let me take a guess here. Neo? Neo. Then Elemental heroes and Bowser sharing second spotlight.
Best Villain
Neo... because that makes sense. Then HHD and Digi for sabotaging poor, poor Crow's awards with a swarm of Neo.
Best Heroine
Taking another guess... Yeah. It's Neo. Bet he'll win the next one, too... Anyway, next is GX, then Yancy.
Best Villoine (Female Villain)
Oh, hey, I was right. And then... Me? Anna? Oh, when I get my hands on whoever cast those votes...!
"I didn't track who cast what."
Damn it! And after me is... Dark me.
"I didn't track who cast what."
Damn it! And after me is... Dark me.
Best Mailbag
Yancy! I agree, that was a lot of fun for me. Then the non-existent Neo mailbag tied with Baron and Vincent.
Best Nomination Category
Ne- No. I'm drawing the line here. Neo was everywhere, but not a nomination category. The winner is a draw between best breasts and the soy sauce bit.
Best Award
Ugh... Neo. Really, Crow? Couldn't you have introduced a little quality control?
"Nope. That'd defeat the point."
Whatever. I get paid either way.
"Nope. That'd defeat the point."
Whatever. I get paid either way.
Metaest
Somehow Neo edges out based HHD for this one.
"...Is it over? For real?" Anna asks hopefully.
"Yep. Got any more of that stuff?"
"It'll cost you."
"I can magically create more money," Crow points out.
"Then why are we in this run-down old theater!?" Anna complains.
"It's a metaphor."
"It's a crappy metaphor."
"I'm an amateur author."
"You're a crappy author."
"So, I just called myself a crappy author thr- ugh. Stop. We're done here. Bye, Anna, see you in Oz."
