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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 0:41:48 GMT -6
I've decided to compile some posts from the Team Nova RP, namely Celeste's Cosmic Arc. Why? Because I'm proud of it and narcissistic and it makes me feel better knowing that it's all in one place. I'll be editing the text a bit to make it more streamlined, and making some adjustments to account for this forum's superior format. It's still going to feel episodic, since it's still essentially forum posts, and since it's still forum posts, it's not going to be the best writing. This started almost a year ago and I'm barely adjusting to writing more than a screenplay now. Plus, GameFAQs character limit. I might also throw commentary in from time to time. Some back story on Celeste for those who might need it: Family was killed in a continent-wide terrorist attack involving a giant bird (this event is more commonly known as Pokemon: XD). Met Jirachi and used his one wish to one day "change the world", shortly after which Jirachi returned to its 1000 year sleep. Dated a psychopath. Invented StarBurst in order to forcibly awaken Jirachi, and it worked. StarBurst was stolen by Nova and was used to change the world. Fought Nova until he died in a giant flying sea temple that turned out to be a space ship that then collapsed into a black hole. Revived himself 1000 years in the past by finding Jirachi and wishing that he would be. Retrieved an Eldritch weapon and used it to barter with a time traveler to suspend him in time for 1000 years. Woke up in the present, found said time traveler, and has been thinking about the worm hole left behind by that black hole ever since. That's the story so far. Anyways, let's begin.
Normally, Celeste would immediately teleport to his next destination, but not this time. He saw Celebi while the long range function of his Teleport Capsule was cooling off. The green pixie decided to speak. "Hesitating.""Hm?" "You're hesitating.""...yeah. Yeah I am." Celeste didn't boot the teleport back up. Instead he sat down in a chair next to Celebi, Jirachi following suit. "So...what's the hold up?"Celeste paused for a bit to think. Talking in any capacity that wasn't technical, directive, or arrogant was somewhat of a chore. He gave a sigh. "The way I understand it, when a legendary pokemon dies it is reincarnated with only memories of its legacy, and not any details. Am I right?" "Um...only the really important ones do that. The rest realize eggs."
"So are you important?" "No duh."
"Then answer me this. How did you first learn to time travel? Did you understand it at birth? How much did you hesitate then? And come to think of it, how do you know how to grant wishes Jirachi?" Jirachi gave a blank look and shrugged. "Hahaha, if only we were all as simple as Jirachi. You're right of course. I knew at birth that time travel was possible, but didn't know about any of the details. I'm still learning the fine print when it comes to the really specific technicalities. I can see the fabric of time, which helps, but only in the sense that I know where its weak enough to poke holes in it.""So how did you know you weren't going to screw something up? Something...so completely out of your depth, no matter how brilliant you are, that you have no hope of understanding." "I didn't. I just figured that I'm not stupid enough to kill myself and something would stop me if I was going to destroy the universe. Both assumptions worked out pretty well so far."Celeste was quiet for a moment. "...so a leap of faith then?" "Yeah pretty much. You seem to be pretty good at those.""Because I can control gravity." Celeste stood up. "You're right. I've waited long enough. It's time to put the God Complex into motion. I'll drop you off at the forest before-" "Uh-uh. If you're still putting on a show then I'm coming with you. Besides, I think I know what you're up to and I am NOT going to miss it.""Really? Jirachi, what did I say about spoilers?" Jirachi gave a blank look and shrugged. "Right then. Some quick preparations and then we're off." "Space right?""Something like that." Teleport on. |
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 0:45:50 GMT -6
"Jiarchi, time keep as soon as we arrive. Every second counts."
Jirachi nodded as Celeste prepared the external manipulators. Telekinetic extensions of Celeste's hands could be projected out form the capsule in order to touch things outside. They couldn't handle much weight, but their dexterity and haptic feedback could allow them to tie medical sutures. Celebi hit a button, Jirachi hit the clock, and they were in space.
"So what's going on?"
"Looking for something. My calculations say it should be arriving soon, trapped in orbit."
"And the hurry?"
"Nova is definitely monitoring this sector of space for the exact same reason I've been. They even had a month's head start. We have at most 150 seconds before they reach us."
"Oh of course. Plenty of time."
Celebi flew up to the viewing panels with Celeste.
"So what are you looking for? A magical macguffin?"
"Something like that sure. It will be perfectly spherical*. I don't know if it will be visible. I am currently looking for any circular region of space that none of my sensors can detect...like that there!"
Celeste's screen indicated nothing but a black circular gap in readings. The manipulators reached out towards it, but fizzled as they approached. Celeste changed tactics and started fanning the hands against the region of nothingness, slowly edging it towards the Capsule.
"...are you sure you want that thing closer to us? What even is it?"
Celeste was concentrating quite hard on positioning it. 90 seconds on the clock, and he looked as frustrated as ever.
"I didn't think it would be this massive. Jirachi, handle the questions please, I'm busy!"
Celebi flew over to Jirachi and rolled her eyes sarcastically. Jirachi just looked on worriedly
"So you know what that thing is?"
"Um...sorta. You ever play with black holes? For fun maybe?"
"...Nope lost me. Try again."
Jirachi thought for a bit, the tried again.
"It's a ball of yarn, made of silly putty, except the yarn is space."
"I'll take your word for it."
40 seconds.
*Interstellar had the exact same idea I did. Note that I originally made this post Feb. 2014, so I did it first.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 0:49:23 GMT -6
Celeste activated a tractor beam that held the strange orb in place. He looked at the clock and turned to Celebi. The forest sprite looked up, and saw a strange mix of emotions on Celeste's face. His usual excitement was there, but she could tell he was much more nervous than usual.
"Remember when you first met me, a Millennium ago at the Ilex shrine?"
"How could I ever forget? You told me you died in the future and wished yourself into the past to continue living. That's not a story you hear every day."
"Do you remember how I said I died?"
"Nope."
"I was engulfed by a black hole. I triggered the self destruct on what we used to call the Sea Temple, but would more accurately be named the Space Palace of Palkia."
"Heard of that place. Visited it once when it was populated. Strange freaks those worshipers were. Not as weird as that one Helix Cult though..."
"Here's the thing. Such a complicated and significant piece of architecture created by essentially a deity has absolutely no business destroying itself. I could barely understand the multi-dimensional architecture when it was simply thinking with portals, but I'm certain of at least one thing. That was not a regular black hole. It would have been more painful falling into it if it was. The temple was simply compressed into a super-dimensional hypersphere."
20 seconds.
"So...that blank void of space on the screen, that's the Sea Temple."
"Correct."
"So what's the plan?"
"Remember how I was so intent on building distance and remote teleportation? Teleporting things into teleports rather than out like the way this Capsule beams me around?"
"Uhhhh..."
"I'm gonna teleport the Temple out of the hypersphere. Hopefully it opens up slowly though since I have to teleport it into this Capsule in order to do so."
"UHHHHHHHH!"
Celeste had a very dangerous look on his face.
"Aren't you glad I'm not hesitating anymore!"
5 seconds.
"Wait, aren't you on a timer?"
"Yep."
"So what are you waiting for!?"
Celeste turned to see a figure rocketing towards his location. An all too familiar suit of armor. The deadliest weapon on Earth.
"That."
0 seconds. Celeste hit the teleport button.
The hypersphere vanished. To an outside observer, such as the one in the suit, one would see a bright flash of light followed by the capsule completely vanishing from existence.
The observers inside the capsule were treated to a nice vision of all light in the room distorting around a big glowing ball too of too-difficult-to-comprehend-ium that appeared in the central teleport hub and then exploded. Jirachi, Celebi, and Celeste were all immediately knocked unconscious as what basically amounted to cracks in space swallowed the interior of the capsule whole.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 0:59:44 GMT -6
Duuuuuude. You ate it hard. But that spatio-rip was wicked tight man!
Those were very strange words to hear at any point in time, let alone being the first things Doctor Celeste would hear coming back to consciousness. He gasped as he opened his eyes, and he was somehow on the floor of the Sea Temple crown room. Despite the damage it took moments before it had collapsed into a singularity, it looked completely pristine and intact now.
He looked around quickly. There was no one else here. Jirachi and Celebi were nowhere in sight. He checked his hands and found that Rocket and Dubstep weren't there anymore either. Curious. He didn't remember anything about how he got here. Only a white flash just after he eversed the hypersphere.
You can chill, brah. I bailed out your friends too. You got some mad skills there dude, but your tech is bogus. It couldn't handle the tube you know what I'm sayin' brah?
Celeste just got even more confused when he couldn't find the source of the voice anywehere. It just kind of echoed through the whole room.
"Who's there? Who do I have to thank for um...'bailing me out'?"
Dude, don't use the lingo. It makes you sound like a whack old geezer. You wonderin' who's this big kahuna here? I'll give you one guess.
Celeste looked around at the statues that decorated the temple.
"...no. No way. That's impossible."
Chyeah, I know right?
Celebi woke up with her vision spinning. Immediately, she knew something was wrong. For one thing, her sense of Temporal Continuity was all over the place...where was she?
Right. There was this black hole sigularity hypersphere that was once a temple/spaceship...and then Celeste teleported it overtop themselves. Seeing as she's not dead...odds are that they're in some kind of pocket universe. Or alternate dimension. Or pocket dimension. Or whatever this kind of thing is actually called.
It's just a Pocket lil' dudette. A pocket we're cruising in reaaaaal nice like.
Oh dear Arceus. That voice. She'd heard it once before but...eccentricity like that you don't tend to forget. She heard it when Dialga last intervened and put her on "trial" for majorly screwing with time...she learned her lesson. But this voice wasn't Dialga, it was-
"Palkia! ...you remember me right?"
How could I forget a right nuisance like you? Anyone who gives my bro a headache is a true bro of mine I'll say!
Celebi looked around after her vision righted. She was in some sort of treasure filled room. Gold and jewels were everywhere. Guarding the entrance were two rather ominous robotic statues of Palkia, but they didn't seem to be moving. She got up and headed out into the hallways. Celeste and Jirachi should probably be somewhere around here.
"If I might ask, when are we? I can't seem to get a grip right now..."
I dunno brah, I don't care for the time. But it's definitely not the same as your home turf.
She tried to get any grip on the timeline, or attempt time travel, but everything fizzled out. It's like trying to move a limb that's no longer there. It gave her a rather...empty feeling. Knowing that the creation dragons liked their respect, she responded courteously.
"I'm only guessing that you brought us here. Where are you? I'd like to thank you to your face if you don't mind."
Bringing my face around would crash the pocket brah, no can do. But if you wanna see something something I got a lil' trick here...
A deep pink portal opened up above Celebi, and a pearl colored Substitute doll on a surfboard floated out. It's smile left a blank expression, but it raised a stubby little hand to shake Celebi's. Palkia's voice emanated from the doll.
Great to see you again! The Doctor made one helluva splash man. I woulda nabbed you all just to say 'grats anyways, but my bro has been pestering me to grab the Doctor for so long you know? I thought I'd surf two boards at once ya?
Celebi's face darkened. Dialga had words with Celeste. Of course he would. But odds are this wouldn't end well.
"Yeah, yeah, I read ya dude-"
Celebi shook herself. The lingo was contagious.
"I mean...ok. So where is the Doctor? And Jirachi? There were three of us."
Five. You forgot the two helping hands methinks. I'm gathering you all up in the crown room now. Hold on a bit brah.
The Substitute surfed down the halls as Celebi followed.
...I really flandardized Palkia later on.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:09:20 GMT -6
Jirachi wandered aimlessly around the halls of the Sea Temple. Phineas was around here somewhere. Unfortunately, he didn't get a very good look around the last time he was here so he was completely lost.
Hearing a sort of whooshing noise, he turned around to see a pink substitute doll on top of a surfboard fly past yelling, COWABUNGA! Pick up the pace dudes!
Jirachi gave it a blank stare as it raced down the halls. Then he felt something grab him from behind, It was Celebi.
"That's Palkia. It's taking us to the Doctor, hurry up!"
The blank stare was replaced with blank confusion as Jirachi followed suit.
Jirachi, Celebi, and Palkia walked into a bar. And by bar I mean BAR as in "Baro-controlled Atmosphere room. Dubstep and Rocket, Celeste's two befriended Unown, floated around a Veilstone Sword wielding Celeste, firing Hidden Powers for him to deflect. Noticing the new company, he sheathed the sword and smiled at Jirachi. Jirachi looked back quizzically, noting that the sword wasn't causing intense fear like it normally should.
"I've been teaching it the difference between ally and enemy. In return, it's been teaching me how to sense its next move. I don't exactly want to be jerked around by it saving my life."
Celeste next looked at the strange floating pink Substitute on a surfboard. It took a moment of deduction, but eventually he came tot he right conclusion.
"Nice to finally see you Palkia."
Yeah, I'm digging the pink and fluffy look. You're looking sweet too dude, you got that zen Jedi monk thing down totes real yo.
"Jedi?"
Eh...never mind. It's a cheese.
"Sorry to interrupt, but I think we have some urgent serious business."
Celebi felt tension in the air. Temporal tension. The kind she only felt when she screwed up really really badly and you-know-who had to come and get her.
Lemme get the door.
The room warped into a large classical looking opera theater. A massive mirror stood at the opposite end, making the theater look twice its size. Ornate chandeliers, velvet carpets, the whole lot. Dubstep and Rocket returned to their owner's hands as Celeste admired the architecture. Celebi shivered. He's here. A blue mass of energy erupted from the Mirror, a booming voice broadcast from everywhere at once.
DOCTOR!
Celeste smiled.
"Yes, that's me I think. I believe I know who I'm talking to, but just to make sure, to whom do I owe the honor?"
I AM...THE LAW
"...did he actually just say that unironically?"
Way to cramp my style bro...
SILENCE!
A mass of energy hammered down upon the entire room. Time distorted in its wake as it ripped through the chandeliers and seats, pulverizing Palkia's Substitute...and coming to a dead stop before the Sword in Celeste's hand. As the dust settled, he made the "zipped lips" hand motion with the other.
Palkia's substitute reappeared, looking slightly less cheery than before.
Woah, take a chill pill. And fix my pad. Like, NOW
Celeste blinked, and the theater returned to the state it was in a few seconds ago. Rewind. Interesting. The Palkia Substitute whirled a bit and spawned another Substitute. A blue one, carrying a hammer.
...what did you do to me?
Dude, dudette, meet my bro Dialga
You made me...FLUFFY?!?!
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:18:51 GMT -6
Location: A bubble dimension rift in Space-Time, AKA Palkia's Pad.
The soft plushy blue Substitute brought its toy-sized hammer down onto a gavel.
I will have order! Order in the court!
The room was empty, save for two floating pokemon, two ethereal Substitute dolls, and a Doctor that looked the complete opposite of uninterested.
Celeste stood on an isolated floating platform that he never seemed to be able to leave no matter how hard he flung himself off the edge. Space-bending is a strange thing. Jirachi and Celebi floated next to him.
"No worries Doctor. I've been on a Dialga trial before too. Just let Palkia take care of everything."
Celeste looked over to a pink Substitute on a surfboard. It was apparently practicing intense pointing, followed by the materialization of visible speech bubbles. Yep. space-bending. Very very weird.
Dialga brought his hammer down again and boomed in that familiar everywhere-at-once way that the gods of time and space usually spoke in.
The entity known as Phineas Celeste is guilty of a first degree Time Paradox, Prometheus-level treason, bearing arms against a holy being, and ascended skulduggery. How do you plead?
Palkia hurriedly struck a pose, pointed dramatically and spawned a speech bubble for Celeste to read. Celeste first looked at Palkia, then Celebi, and then just shrugged and decided to go along with it.
"Uh...I am apparently not guilty by virtue of....being a llama?"
Palkia waved his stubby arms and suddenly Celeste was absolutely correct. He didn't feel or look any different, but he was definitely a llama if you see him from the 7th dimension, which Dialga and Palkia do.
Got that right brah. He's a llama now. Llama's don't skuldug things.
Jirachi whispered, "psst, Celebi, what's a llama?"
Celebi replied, "I don't know. It must be an alternate universe thing."
Palkia waved his arms again. In the 9th dimension, Celeste was added to a convenient Qur'an.
An Islamic llama.
Palkia! You will be held in contempt of court!
Bro, you're already in contempt of my face! I'm his Defensive Tourney! You know what they say, Fauxs before Bros!
Celeste was suddenly given a Faux-hawk. It was totally radical.
NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT!
My client accepts your porposition to Trial by Ordeal!
A sausage appeared in Celeste's hands.
You're pleading Not Guilty! There is no Trial by Ordeal!
Oh good! So we can stop now.
The court room vanished. The pink plush Substitute pumped both hands into the air and waved them around like it didn't care.
WHOOOOO! VICTORY SCREECH!
Celeste stood quietly wondering what drugs the god of space was on.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:26:16 GMT -6
Location: The Space between Spaces
Dialga called a recess, obviously. Palika, Celebi, and Jirachi were working on more routines to drive Dialga crazy...but that wasn't what Celete was interested in.
Without alerting the others, he slipped through the court doors.
"Dialga. Off the record, may I humbly request some context as to my persecution?"
As Celeste entered the court room, the blue Substitute made motions as if glaring at the intruder.
Lord Dialga.
"Lord Dialga. I repeat the question."
Ignorance is no defense against The Law! You created a time loop. A grandfather paradox. The structure of time was disturbed by your actions and that must be resolved.
Celeste took a seat in the audience, trying to remain casual yet respectful while talking to a stuffed god with a hammer.
"With sincerest apologies, I only acted out of self defense. I assume your omniscience would allow you to see that had I not resurrected myself I would be dead. That's what this is about, yes?"
The Substitute sighed. It obviously didn't want to explain things to mortals. The hammer came down and the courtroom dissolved, leaving the doll and Celeste both floating in a void above what looked like a solid steel version of an endless Rainbow Road. A river of ephemeral lights traced patterns and currents down its perfectly smooth exterior.
Do you comprehend what you are seeing?
"I am a man of science. I can comprehend many things. But unfortunately, I see a race track."
Dialga face-hammered.
Many do. But nay, this is the Fabric of Time. In 3D.
"Fabric of Time?"
Celeste and Dialga approached the shining track that was apparently a representation of time itself. At the far end, akin to a horizon, Celeste saw a white hot glow from which the Fabric unfurled.
In your world, what do you see us as? Palkia and myself.
"You are great Dragons. Pokemon of incredible power. Dialga is a Steel/Dragon type and Palkia is a Water/Dragon type."
And why do you think that is?
"...I always just assumed that's how you are."
The entities you know as Dialga and Palkia are merely representations, as this Fabric is. You cannot comprehend our true forms! In fact, even our Dragon forms warp the space-time continuum.
We are Dragons because we are mythical. I am Steel because that is the only way that your universe comprehends the power of Time! Palkia is Water because there is no other way to express Space! In some universes we have no corporeal forms. The beings of those worlds are guided and shaped by the invisible Arrow of Time and Membranes of Space. But here powers exist to allow you to comprehend the true forms of Gods!
The blue Substitute with a hammer swooped down to the Fabric's surface, allowing Celeste to observe as it hammered fragments of light into place. Glowing rivers froze and engraved themselves into the work under each hammer blow, forming an elaborate tapestry of patterns.
What you see before you is my eternal work. Time is tempered and events unfold to be finalized by my hammer. It is all encompassing and unchanging! It is impossible to change the past once it is hammered into place! Time is the hardest substance in all the universes, which is why you perceive it as Steel...and yet, beings exist who insist on creating imperfections.
Celeste was trying to take everything in. "I'm guessing that's where I come in..."
Dialga gestured to an area back in time. There was a swirling tangle of light rising up out of the Fabric. The engraved patterns around it whipped into frenzied rapids as spidery tendrils of time ripped out of the epicenter and rose up to circle back to a point even further in the past. They pierced the Fabric at a spot, spilling light onto the pattern already engraved and distorting it like molten lead on a stained glass window.
"That's what time travel does? ...no wonder you hate Celebi."
I could easily resolve this. One blow of my hammer would cement the paradox. The effects would be many, not only to you but to every other entity you ever influenced. This obviously includes the StarBurst War, which I am not allowed to interfere with. I must wait for Father to see the end of his game with the Outcast
"...why do you have to wait? If I'm understanding correctly, all of time is set in Steel."
Time is perceptive. Your Fabric intermingles with the greater tapestry in ways you cannot comprehend. Of course, I see over all of time at once. Save for mutations, I know your future, though it is impossible for me to speak of it. I must wait until the war ends for all entities involved. It is a pity.
"So if you cannot touch my Fabric, why the trial? What will be my sentence?"
You will be imprisoned here. Your world will find you petrified, smote by the hand of God. I do not want you to cause any more harm. You wield too much power for a mortal. The Catalyst. The Anglachel. Two hands of the Father and even Celebi is your ally. Father stacked the deck too much on a single being.
Celeste was putting things together. Father's game with the Outcast? Stacking a deck? ...he desperately tried to recall Giratina's words when they met a millenium ago. Giratina spoke of some sort of cycle...of mistakes...the inevitability and foolishness of youth...
What did Dialga call his powers? The Catalyst, the Anglachel, and two hands of the Father. Two hands. Rocket and Dubstep? So the theory that the Unown are Arceus's hands...so what is the Catalyst? The Veilstone sword is one or the other, which means that Jirachi is involved in there too. Is Jirachi really some sort of forbidden weapon? He's much too cute for that.
Suddenly, a veritable explosion occurred at some point down the line on the Fabric. A eruption of molten metal spewed forth and began to stain the Fabric in various places
NOO!!!!! THAT ********** IMBECILE!!!!!
Celeste did a double take hearing a god swear but then asked the obvious question.
"What was that?"
Massive spacetime disruption caused by ludicrous compressive anomalies. This is gonna be HELL to clean up. I'm SO telling on him again.
"...I'm lost."
Ten of your seconds from now, Palkia took space shrooms and blew his load on my carpet. Again. MOTHA********* I'm gonna KILL HIM
Celeste assumed that his mind was simply interpreting the god's speech as familiar profanities, but before he could contemplate that a bit more he was back in the court room, just in time to see Jirachi cowering, Celebi ask "Are you suuuure?" and the pink Substitute on a surfboard holding what looked like a giant neon green phallic object replying We gotta think of a way to save the Doc, ya? C'mon dudette, I do my most bodacious thinking this way. Ready? 3...2...1...
It ate the shroom. A purple penguin immediately scootered up to Celeste and asked for some chocolate rain.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:30:03 GMT -6
Location: Another Time, Another Place
A parliament of walking tortillas swept under Celeste's feet. He fell backwards onto an infinite pit of disorganized orangutans that kept reciting quotes from Moby Dick.
"Jirachi! Celebi! Where are you!"
Celeste mentally willed Dubstep to send out an electric signal flare, but instead a grandfather clock popped out of the ground and chimed "lemons". The orangutans all lost their right arms, did pirouettes, and dove into the murky depths of the ocean.
Duuuuuude, the colourssssss, A pink Pac-man started bouncing on Celeste's head, Hey man, I got like, the weirdest craving for fish tacos.
Jirachi dodged an incoming influx of mayonnaise from the ceiling and grabbed onto Celeste's coat. He then sprouted a beak, to Celeste's horror.
"Jirachi, you're turning into a Piplup. Stop it."
Order! I demand Order! The room boomed with the sound of a hammer being literally brought down from some culture's interpretation of heaven. The orange apes now returning with a dead Leviathan suddenly vanished, dropping the Eidolon onto the bed of round governmental corn flour.
Doncha wooooooooory I got dis and dat and dis and dat awwww yeahhhh! We're all safe here. Safey wafey eggs and bakey! I wanna know what love iiiiiis!
Jirachi sprouted wings and a tuxedo. Celebi flew out of a portal screaming "WATCH OUT FOR THE SEALEO!" knocking Celeste and Pengirachi out of the way of a crashing blimp in the shape of an aforementioned pokemon, but ending up submerging herself three feet deep in condiment relish.
Meanwhile, the another version of Celebi heard the cry and sighed as she jumped a few seconds into the past to meet her sticky fate.
Celeste looked around frantically to see pink and blue rock-em-sock-em-robots ineffectually punching each other. His cries of "Safe? SAFE? Celebi's literally in a pickle and Jirachi is now a perfectly safe Piplup!" was lost over the booming voices going Chillax brah! and DUTCH OVEN THIS YOU WENCH
Somehow, the door to the courtroom was still visible to Celeste. Even though it was probably useless, he Magnet Rose with Dubstep and flung himself at it, narrowly dodging a giant spork. The room of crazy didn't seem to affect the Unown, which was handy.
The doors opened. The orangutans had banded together and were waiting behind it with a copy of Hamlet.
Celeste slammed the doors and opened them again. Seeing the Fabric of Time still there, he leapt inside and slammed the doors behind him.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:40:27 GMT -6
A single man floated through the void of temporal space while wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a Rapidash-head mask, swinging at a horde of orangutans with a cricket bat. He desperately shook the bat until it returned to its original form: the Veilstone Sword. Unfortunately, the blade was rather confused about whether or not it should injure an ape, so upon contact, it just said "Mameshiba!" and gave the ape the sudden urge to dance the Macarena.
Celeste finally decided to ignore the chaos around him and just made a beeline to the Fabric of Time, more specifically, where Palkia's space-time scar was currently festering.
His usual clothes returned as he touched down on the surface of the Fabric. He panicked for a moment as the mask momentarily became his actual face before that also returned to normal. It seems like the Fabric wards off the crazy. Lucky for him. He hoped Jirachi and Celebi were holding out.
(Jirachi was still a Piplup, and was debating the merits of grapes and nails with Howard the Duck. Celebi was trying to escape the left eye of Ms. Pac-man. All in all, not that bad.)
Jirachi suddenly appeared next to his penguin self. Looking his duplicate in the eye, Penguirachi cried out a moment before Realirachi Iron Head'ed it into submission. The nearby Howard the Duck froze in shock as his foot began to consume him until he was nothing but a giant webbed flipper that fell sideways into the nearby salsa lake (no, it wasn't a lake made of dip, the lake was salsa dancing).
The lake was penetrated by the flipper and instantly bled out, a wave of water gushing out of the wound. Palkia's substitute form rode out of it on its surfboard yelling COWABUNGA DUUUUUUDE! as Dialga's substitute form pursued atop a blue police box.
Jirachi turned to see Ms. Pacman defiling a roped up Celebi with her massive overbite and gritted his teeth in determination. The Wish pokemon grabbed the unconscious penguin and held it high with a shout, the salsa tsunami washing over him. Howard the Flipper flew past and was caught in Jirachi's other outstretched hand.
As the wave cleared, the penguin pureed into a pile of pulsating pudding. The dish of delectable dessert dove for Howard the Flipper, which shone a brilliant gold as it metamorphosed into a sword in the shape of an elongated rubber duck.
Jirachi held the Ultimallard Weapon high and charged Celebi's animated antagonizer.
QUACK-SLASH!
The sword came down, Jirachi striking Ms. Pac-man down three times in the shape of an X.
QUACKHAZARD!
Jirachi stabbed through and jumped upwards, slicing Celebi's bonds. He gave a wink to the Time Traveller, who replied with a "what the bloody hell is going on" look before Jirachi turned to the pink substitute. It was now dancing Klangnam Style as the blue substitute rapped it over the head with a hammer likely stolen from a pink hedgehog.
MALLARDRAIN!
Jirachi spun the blade over his head. A storm of rubber ducks blazed down knocking Palkia into the air. Jirachi rocketed forth, blade held aloft.
OMNISPLASH VERSION 5!
In an incredibly impressive display of CGI, The Ultimallard Weapon exploded into a multitude of different waterfowl. Jirachi went SSJ as he grabbed each and blitz-slashed at Palkia for a total of thirteen times, the final hit driving the soft plushy substitute into the ground, leaving a crater in its wake.
....Woah.
"You're telling me. Who knew the quiet guy had that in him?"
With a squeaky-toy squeak, the green space-shroom was ejected from Palkia's mouth. Reality seemed to assert itself as the courtroom returned and Jirachi regained his normal look. The sword went poof, to his great disappointment. Palkia lay dazed on the ground, not really any worse for wear.
Duuuude...you knocked the drugs out of me. The hell was that?
If Jirachi had nostrils, he would have flared them at Palkia as Celebi flew up and hugged him.
"Be badass more often, ok?"
Jirachi nodded with a smile. Dialga produced a Purrloin carrier and stuffed Palkia into it.
You are so grounded. ....wait, has anyone seen the Doctor?
Jirachi pointed at the doors that lead to the Fabric of Time. Dialga dropped the carrier.
Oh ****
Celeste held the Veilstone Sword extended in his hand as he stared at the still festering time scar.
"Well...God of Time already wants me exiled from it. Can't dig myself much worse."
He swung down at the scar, which decided just then to disappear as Jirachi reasserted reality. Blade carried forwards. Blade hit Fabric. Blinding flash as a small bit of reality exploded.
This is the last of the posts I made on GameFAQs. The rest can be found in Episode 13 on this site.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:43:38 GMT -6
Location: Where the Cray-Cray Stuff Happens
Father has him now.
The fuzzy blue Substitute plushie that was Dialga sat atop the courtroom pedestal, exercising a nervous sort of patience. Palkia, Jirachi, and Celebi mulled about wondering what to do now.
"Can we finish his case so we're free to leave when he gets back?"
Dialga continued to be silent. The fuzzy pink Substitute plushie that was Palkia tapped Celebi on the shoulder.
Yo dudette, when he's up there you gotta call him "Lord" or else he, like, blanks out. There's totally, like, a stick on that seat he shoves up-
"LORD Dialga. I repeat what I just said." Celebi cut the god of space off. The god of time grumbled a bit before responding.
What point is there? Never have I judged the crime of BREAKING REALITY. I'm uncertain if that is even in my jurisdiction. But it just goes to prove that Phineas Celeste is too dangerous a pawn to be allowed on the board.
Jirachi spoke up, exercising his ability to now that no humans were present. "So what you're saying is...you want him kept here rather than on Earth? Here, where, you know, he has access to reality that he can break."
Dialga resumed his silence. Celebi fluttered up to Dialga's pedestal. The plushie did its best to glare at her.
"Off the record, what did he do exactly? He tried to undo Palkia's high and then?"
He struck the Fabric of Time with the Anglachel. The result was a cosmic anti-retcon.
"A what now?"
He irreversibly broke the continuity of time around himself. He and anyone who he has influenced no longer live in the same perception of reality. The effects likely reach far beyond my domain, but temporally their canons are desynchronized.
"...ok, I'm just a time traveler. In English? I know you love explaining things."
Dialga sighed, knowing Celebi was absolutely correct. Ok look, imagine that a handful people tell the same story but each gets a different bit wrong. One of them says the drought lasted ten years, another says three, and so on. What I'm saying is that now all of them are correct since each lives in a slightly different reality.
"And nobody would ever think it's weird they have a few years unaccounted for?"
It's never come up. Mortals are quite inattentive. As for me...it gives me a migraine just looking at that mess. I can't imagine what it looks like to Father. Arceus save his soul. Literally.
"Um...How about you take some Space Asprin?"
I'm breathing it.
Celebi decided it was a good time to talk to Jirachi some more.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:51:28 GMT -6
Doctor Phineas Celeste existed in a completely empty void, "existed" being the only term that could be accurately applied here since without anything else as a reference point it's impossible to lie, sit, stand, float or take any other position. The Veilstone Sword existed beside him in a similar state.
"Hello?" the man called out.
His mind flickered. He couldn't be in a void of nothing if he was able to talk. Talking meant air. The moment he realized this the void conveniently filled with light as well. He was welcome.
"Ah, thank you. It seems whatever mess I'm in is reasonable at least."
Reasonable, yes. But the mess Celeste was currently in was more than anything else...judgmental. The Doctor was slowly forming a theory of his circumstances, but then stopped to stutter a bit.
"Uh...wait wait hold on. How did that happen? Like...like..it's not talking. You're not talking to me. You're in my...not my mind, that's psychic, no it's like...you're in...my..."
Celeste wouldn't find a word since no words for it exist. It felt an awful lot like suddenly remembering that you are in a dream.
"YES! Yes that's it exactly! But...wait..how...?"
But for reference's sake, one might find that the Doctor happened to be following this conversation through narration.
"Narration? How is...what is...um...uh...ah...my head hurts...Dear Arceus how are you doing that!?"
He smirked a bit despite his confusion.
"I ask that sincerely...am I right?"
Because you see, if one were to shatter time, break the fourth wall of reality, and fall into the void, what else would one find themselves confronted with if not their Creator?
One by one, figures began phasing into the space behind spaces that Celeste occupied. The figures darkened into the shape of black letters, and soon after Celeste recognized them as Unown. His hands twitched and he raised them, suddenly remembering that the Unown he had befriended, Dubstep and Rocket, were brought with him into the void. They detached themselves from their usual positions and drifted off to join the others, wiggling slightly as if waving good bye.
Celeste waved back as they were lost into the ever growing crowd. Not sparing a moment for melancholy, he beckoned the Veilstone Sword into his hands and raised it defensively. The Unown began swirling through the void, making an eerie humming noise similar to radio static. Celeste felt the need to raise his voice above the din, but his words would have been clear regardless.
"Alright! I get it! I'm in too deep. I screwed things up and I'm sorry! I'm really really sorry. But I'm dead set on living so if you want me I'm not going quietly!"
As the Unown converged on him, Celeste wondered if this was what he had sent Red into when they broke into the Hall of Origin all those years ago. Those thoughts didn't last long however, since he suddenly became more preoccupied with the burst of intense light that exploded from the Unown, and coalesced into the form of a glowing ball in front of him.
The ball spoke telepathically. "Hello. Sorry about the show. I haven't created something from scratch in a while. My usual voice apparently hurts your head, so I thought I'd do something a bit more conventional."
Another burst of light that Celeste had to shield his eyes from, and there stood Arceus in all its holy glory. Its white coat glistened and its eyes stared intensely at the sword in Celeste's hands. Celeste noticed the direction of the stare.
"Oh, uh, sorry, this is probably really blasphemous isn't it." the Doctor said as he hurriedly focused on sheathing it.
"No no, allow me." The Alpha pokemon said, quickly exploding in another burst of light, and reforming in the shape of a human. Specifically, a young female human with red hair*. Celeste was quite startled by the change.
"There. Not a pokemon anymore, so you can keep your sword at attention if it makes you feel better."
Celeste was somewhat at a loss for words. "Ah...ah...why?"
"Oh this body?" Arceus smiled, "I thought it would make you the most comfortable. After all, she's interviewed you twice.**"
"I have never seen this person before in my life."
"In another life then maybe." Arceus pulled out some sort of red seed*** and chewed on it. Ah, so that's what it feels like. Interesting.
Celeste seemed to just have just about had it. "...GAH!" He sent the sword flying further into the void, knowing that he could re-summon it on a whim.
"Arceus is a POKEMON! Dialga and Palkia are POKEMON! You are all god POKEMON! What's this mess with dimensions and realities and...and...and..."
"The universe is much stranger than you could ever imagine," the girl replied, "The pokemon Arceus is merely a representation. Nothing more than a way to interact with the creatures that live in his creation."
Celeste clutched his head as the narrating sense of lost dreams filled his very existence again. He came to know that this being is simply a director. Pure imagination. That is the power of Arceus. That is the existence of Arceus.
As he came to, he suddenly found himself sat in a plush chair, inside a fancily furnished room before a table, some silverware, and a china tea set.
"Do you like cheesecake? And how does Earl Grey sound? I'm having a two-for-one on...oh, sorry, that's a bit of the form slipping in. It's on the house this time."
"Wha-wha-WHAT IS THIS?"
"I'm trying to make you feel at home. Only then can we discuss things as equals."
"Equals? EQUALS? You are GOD!"
"A god. A god with a sense of maturity. I respect you just as much as I hope you respect me. From here on out, no more divine acts. Fair?"
She checked the teapot and saw that it was empty. Ok, maybe just one more divine act. Celeste counted to ten and tried to calm down. He sheathed the sword and retorted.
"Maturity? Is that what you call it. I would have said a horrible sense of humour."
Arceus poured tea for two.
"I will take that as a compliment. Humour is needed in this world, and if the Creator has no sense of humour, how could it ever exist? Now then, where should we start?"
* Arceus takes the form of Anna from Fire Emblem.
** The Nova Mailbag specials are non-canon events where Anna (not Arceus) interviews Team Nova RP characters.
*** The red seed is from the non-canon Team Nova RP Christmas Special. It's a potent aphrodisiac.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 1:55:42 GMT -6
Silverware clinked against a plate as Celeste finished eating a slice of chocolate cake. He was still rather shaken and sipped from a tea cup in silence. The girl across from him smiled affectionately and broke it.
"Feeling a bit better?"
"...only if I turn my brain off. And for me that's rather hard to do."
"You can ask me anything you like, if it will help."
"Alright...why are you talking like that?"
"Like what?"
"You...you have an accent.*"
"I'm just copying yours. It's an interesting mix. Learning and unlearning your native tongue, coupled with the stress of those years in the past, scrambled your speech centers a bit. You never noticed that people looked at you differently?"
"I never payed much attention to other people. It's a nice accent though."
Celeste drank some more tea. Then decided to ask another question.
"Dialga said it was a Steel type since Time and Steel are both inflexible. Palkia is a Water type because Space and Water are both Fluid. So explain why Arceus is Multityped. Shouldn't a god have it's own..."divine" type?"
The girl respected the Doctor's inclination to refer to Arceus as a third person and responded in kind.
"Arceus is Multityped because there are multiple types of Arceus. It can be a master of Steel, or a ranger of Dragons. A Sparky digital hero, or an Infectious man of cheese. A Flighty couple of Spirits, an emperor of Fire, or a Fairy queen and her hilarious deception**. The creator is many, and it makes no difference if it is many or if it is one. The creation exists and that is what's deserving of the creator's unifying devotion."
"So what you're saying is...Arceus has multiple personality disorder."
"All of creation has a different personality. It's not a disorder if it's the norm. More tea?"
The teapot never seemed to empty, but that didn't really phase Celeste. He could have done the same trick with a liquid pressure triggered teleport and a kettle.
The girl smiled at that bit. "Doctor, you have such a mastery over your own domain. I understand it's quite a shock to realize there is just so much more that you don't understand."
"It's not that...it's not...it's not that. Why me?" Celeste looked up and straight into the girl's eyes, "You're the creator. You brought me here. You could have done anything but you brought me here. Why not bring Maurice here and end the war yourself? Why not bring Mewtwo here and grant him the power to end the war? Why not...why not bring Red back? And don't you dare say that the War is off limits because you stretched those limits and brought me here regardless!"
"Well," She gestured at the Veilstone Sword, "you had an advantage. You wouldn't be here if not for that sword."
"But...why do I have this sword?" Celeste seemed to realize the source of his stress as he began to raise his voice, "If you're the creator...if you're MY creator then nothing I do is really me, is it? I'm not a genius at all. I invented things because you would have me invent them. I do things because you would have me do them. I suffer because you would have me suffer! I'm just...just...just part of your clockwork!"
"That is not true. You follow your own path."
"HOW SO?"
"Because I respect you. Because I would have you to do what is true to you, whatever that is, because that is who you are. We both come into this world as a blank slate and through the journey we call life we are shaped into a person. You are your own person, regardless of how you are created. I respect that, I respect you, and because of that I cannot possibly have you be something that you are not. I respect you as my equal. Do you respect me?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Yes."
Celeste realized he was standing. He sat. He closed his eyes and exhaled and reached for some tea, sitting a while in thought.
"...where's Red?"
"Unfortunately, the same place you are soon about to go."
The Veilstone Sword twinged.
"And why's that?"
"Because, unfortunately, I respect you. It would be unfair to withhold any information from you any longer, but you cannot be allowed back into the Nova War with this information."
"WHY! Why is the war so..so...arbitrary? You had to have made these rules yourself! Unmake them!"
"I wish I could, but I made a deal. And to break the rules would be to surrender."
Celeste just gave the girl a look, demanding her to go on with his eyebrows.
"It's time, I think, that everything should be revealed. The nature of this war...and where we all truly stand."
*British RP Accent
** I wonder how many people saw what I did here. I considered striking the ranger part out this time around, but I left it for the sake of flow.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 2:00:10 GMT -6
"Giratina. What do you know about him?"
The red-haired girl speaking for Arceus asked this to Celeste. They had finished the cake and Celeste was done with drinking tea by this point.
Celeste responded rather matter-of-fact-ly, "Giratina. Renegade pokemon. Ghost/Dragon. Master of the Distortion World, banished there for its violence and aggression against, well, you. Pretty much evil incarnate. But meeting Dialga and Palkia, now I'm not so sure."
Arceus nodded. "You'd be absolutely right. Now what can you speculate about his true nature, based on what you see here?"
Celeste responded instantly, "If I did know, it would be you putting words into my mouth. So I don't care and you're going to tell me anyways."
"My apologies for the hostility then. In any case, it was a trick question. What you know as Giratina is all there is to the entity."
"So I shouldn't be expecting a fuzzy Substitute of him any time soon?"
"Well maybe for the sake of a collector's pack...but the point is, Giratina is not a god. A deity of incredible power and omniscient control of the Reverse World-"
"Distortion World"
"-same thing, but Giratina is a Pokemon. What do you think being cast out of ascension would do to a being? Giratina is of the same silk as as Ho-oh or Lugia-
Celeste twitched. He wondered if Arceus was making him tick on purpose.
"...sorry."
"What's your point?"
"Giratina is a legendary pokemon. You are aware of the life cycle, yes?"
"They reincarnate when they die, either from abuse of of old age. When they are reborn they hold intrinsic memories of the previous life, like how to time travel, but are in essence a completely different being."
"Care to guess Giratina's lifespan? You're going to say no, so I'll just tell you. It's exactly 1000 years."
"That's a bit of a coincidence."
"Is it? Why so?"
"Every other story hearkens back to something that started 1000 years ago. It's a cliche. Not to mention it's the same length as Jirachi's Awakening period."
"So what you're saying is, that stories often involve cataclysms every 1000 years. Ever wonder why that's so?"
"I thought it was because it's a nice round number."
"Why is it a round number?"
"Base 10 number system," Celeste hurriedly added, "Because humans have 10 digits on their hands."
"A strange coincidence, no?"
Celeste picked up his cup only to realize there's no tea in it. Arceus was quick to correct that but he waved her away.
"Forget that. Are you implying that Jirachi's Awakenings are also linked to Giratina's life cycle?"
"You mentioned intrinsic memories, didn't you? What a legendary remembers the moment it is born again? Well Giratina's intrinsic memories are...difficult."
"How so?"
"Because the first thing it remembers...is being cast out of ascension. Every time. The rage and hatred towards his Father is replenished, and burns away any wisdom it may have gained over the years. And so every time he reincarnates he plans for his revenge."
"Overlook on your part."
"I can't help it. Ensuring that his rage endures was the second last thing he did as a god."
"And the last? Because you're so obviously leading me to ask that."
"...his last act as a god was to create a new entity to house his dimensionally transcendental powers.
"Translation?"
"Giratina was a god of dimensions. He was the first born, and designed the Membranes of Space and Fabric of Time. He was a very good kid. But then I created more children, to help him manage the works of art he made. I made Dialga next to watch over this incredibly complex structure you call time. Utterly magnificent. And finally I made Palkia to watch over the Membranes of Space. A bit more free spirited that one, since he needed to hop from one to the next rather quickly. But Giratina grew more resentful as his younger brothers started taking what he felt was his spotlight. And so he grew resentful and started rebelling against his father. When it got the the point that he started destroying dimensions I had to take drastic measures, hence his banishment."
"...your family matters would make an excellent soap opera. But I asked you a question. What did he do right before being banished?"
"His powers allowed him to break the laws of time and space on a whim. What else can do that?"
"The Veilstone Sword."
"Close, but not quite. Do you know what gave the Veilstone Sword its powers?"
"I thought it was Giratina?"
"No. Not at all. A young man, callow and foolish in innocence, came to own a sword.* You know the myth, and it was never stated how this sword was found."
"So how did he find it?"
"He made a wish."
*Look up Veilstone's Myth
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 2:08:43 GMT -6
"...Jirachi is...!"
"Yes. Jirachi is what remains of Giratina's former powers. Locked away safe with a meteorite that only comes to Earth when Giratina comes of age to use it. A once in a lifetime opportunity for him."
"Jirachi...Jirachi is GOOD!"
"As he should be. He's a child, even by legendary standards. He just holds incredible power. That's why Jirachi can't wish on himself."
"But...but...I wish- HUMANS wish on Jirachi."
"Appropriate isn't it, that Arceus's final creation be his undoing. That the wish of a man would overturn his god. Like I said, Giratina is an artist. The Ultimate Weapon powered by life and death, the Anglachel to exterminate all pokemon, and of course StarBurst, with which Giratina hopes to eventually use to control me. Giratina finds a human to suit his needs and gives them...temptation."
Celeste felt like the chair beneath him crumbled and his world was spinning into darkness. Jirachi was...what?
"So...what you're saying...is that Giratina sent me Jirachi?"
"And also sent Jirachi to the man in Veilstone's Myth-"
"But I was just a kid! I wouldn't have wished for a weapon!"
"The last two times the Catalyst created a weapon, it failed. Giratina knew this. Even with the Anglachel he couldn't defeat me. And so this time he went for a more subtle approach. Very subtle. I was impressed."
Celeste felt a wave of nausea coming on. Arceus poured him some tea that made him feel better. Too much better. Arceus was forcing him to feel well. He didn't know how to feel about that. After a while. Celeste found the strength and resolve to ask another question.
"How long...have I been a pawn of a god?"
"Giratina isn't a god. Not anymore."
"I didn't mean Giratina," Celeste just stared into Arceus's young feminine face, "I mean, obviously you tried to stop me from making StarBurst, right? You're a god. Why did I succeed?"
"The moment Jirachi landed was the moment things were out of my hands. The die was cast and the game for the fate of the world began."
"...game. You do realize you're talking about the miserable traumatizing heartbreaking lives of everyone on Earth, right? There are people being tortured as we speak, assuming time isn't weird up here."
"War was inevitable, but I had to play conservatively. I needed to teach Giratina that trying to overthrow me is futile."
Celeste leaned in closer.
"Stop being vague. What. Were. Your. Plays?"
"...Did you know there's another method to awaken Jirachi?"
"That's impossible. I'd know about it. Don't change the subject."
"Jirachi will awaken from its sleep of a thousand years if you sing to it in a voice of purity."*
"That's utter Tauros ****. No harmonic pitch has any effect on Orichalcum.**"
"You're not the one who's meant to sing. The answer is Meloetta. There is a song that only Giratina knows, and when sung by Meloetta, it horrifically gives her voice the exact qualities of StarBurst. Meloetta's emotion-controlling singing was the inspiration for Steelheads and eventually Ranger Stylers. What, did you think that the connection between StarBurst and Stylers was a coincidence?"
"I'll forget the fact that my crowning achievement in research has just been made useless by a songstress and insist you tell me your plays in my life before you break me even further."
"...Giratina's original target was a boy who lived in the company of Meloetta. The boy would grow up to be a corrupt scientist, and inspired by Jirachi as you were, he would create StarBurst by harnessing Meloetta's powers. My interference I regret to this very day. I made the boy abandon Meloetta so this would not occur."
"How?"
"I made him hate me. Arceus. I planted a memory in his mind of me erasing a sister that never existed. His hatred for pokemon would overpower any desire he had to research them.***"
"...that was stupid."
"Giratina would have ended his life the moment StarBurst was made. I thought I was sparing him. With Meloetta's help StarBurst would have been perfected immediately. The modern version has not yet reached its perfect form."
"Where do I come in?"
"Giratina cast the Catalyst-"
"Jirachi has a name.
"...Giratina cast Jirachi at Maurice, but when he realized what I did, he made one last play and redirected it towards a new target just before it landed. He sent it to a prodigy who had both knowledge and motivation to recreate StarBurst without Meloetta's help. Naturally, I made one final play as well, but I wasn't about to make another innocent person go insane with hate. So I did the opposite."
Celeste hung his head with a pitiful sigh. Somehow he knew what was coming.
"I arranged for him to meet a literal soul mate, and with her at his side he would have no motivation to research a way to free Jirachi, and the wish would be wasted."
"Oh good job. She left me!"
"No."
"What?"
"You broke up with her. Remember?"
Celeste froze, and realized he couldn't. "I....I what?"
"You were very drunk. But that was your doing. You sent her away. She was called away but she was going to stay in the end. And without her god given prime directive...well, you've seen the results."
"You are NOT going to pin that on me! YOU HEAR ME! YOU! ARE! NOT!"
"That was my last action. I gave you Celena, simultaneously neutralizing the threat you posed, and Maurice's scientific pursuits. Unfortunately, Maurice got his hands on StarBurst after all."
"...I suppose Shadow Pokemon were-
"No. That incident was not connected to any of Giratina's actions. That was unfortunately purely the evil of man."
Celeste threw his hands in the air.
"Oh good! So the MOST HORRIBLE EVENT IN MY LIFE is the only thing that ISN'T part of a god's cosmic chess match!"
Arceus looked down. The girl looked ashamed but the creator was unsure of how he felt himself.
"Phineas. You aren't a pawn. If you were, I would have won years ago. If you were, you'd never have made StarBurst. You broke time and space and sent yourself into the past to meet Jirachi which, might I add, was the first time Giratina was not in control of his own powers. In the past, Giratina gave you the Anglachel because it saw that you could defy the paths that both he and I might have set for you. You befriended Jirachi and mastered the Veilstone Sword. You own more of Giratina's powers than Giratina does! You are simply-"
Celeste was chuckling under his breath. Arceus stopped since he obviously had something to say.
"You know...it's funny. Do you expect me to take this and turn into some sort of hero? I thought I was a hero you know? Some sort of tragic byronic genius type zipping around and being all aloof, taking down bad guys with a snap of my fingers. But nope, here you are, telling me that I am THE reason the world's gone to hell, because I got drunk and broke up with a girl. Am I supposed to take that...nicely? You expect me to be inspired? To strengthen my resolve to save the world?"
"...something along those lines. You're really hung up over her...aren't you?"
Celeste kicked over the table and whipped out the Veilstone Sword, pointing it directly at the girl in front of him.
"Giratina's got the right idea. The universe needs new management. You are an idiot."
He said to the god.
"I literally have no reason to live anymore. Bring it on!"
* One of Jirachi's pokedex entries. Seriously.
** Orichalcum is the metal that Jirachi's meteorite is made out of. It also makes up the Anglachel, lines Celeste's armor coat, and was used to create the time seal for Celeste's 1000 year hibernation.
*** Jay is nice enough not to correct my interpretation of the cryptic clues he gave me for Maurice's back story.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 16, 2015 2:14:49 GMT -6
Location: Here
Well, this definitely didn't go according to plan.
A petrified statue of Phineas Celeste in mid-sword swing existed. His face wasn't exactly one of rage. More like...confusion? Rejection perhaps. In any case, it soon existed in a more tangible domain that it had previously. It suddenly stood in the middle of a court room, where two Substitutes, a time traveler, and the concentrated power of an eldritch abomination were shocked to see it.
...So there we have it. He serves his sentence. Serves him right.
Woaaaah dude. He got put on a bus. Not cool man, not cool.
"Um...huh. I uh...sorry about that Doc."
Jirachi just blinked at it, knowing full well what had probably happened but trying to think of some way that it hadn't. At some point he allowed himself to realize he really couldn't and slew straight at the statue to hug and bury his face in it. Meanwhile, Arceus descended. White fur, golden disk, four legs, epic hair-do, the whole nine yards. The two Substitutes immediately cued up in front of him and attempted to kneel. Seeing as they had stub arms and legs, they ended up face-planting, but they did it with utmost respect and dignity. Celebi, who had actually never seen Arceus before had a general air of "ooh and aah" about her, but that was dampened by her notice of Jirachi's distress. When Arceus spoke, the sound simply reverberated about in the listener's ears.
Jirachi. Celebi. I apologize. Phineas Celeste no longer exists to you. He could not be permitted to follow the path he's chosen, and so I have removed him until his path may change.
Jirachi turned sharply with a "No!", but there were no stars here to twinkle.* Arceus took note, and with a gesture let Jirachi know the option he would ultimately take. It would save him the trouble of going through grief. Celebi saw the Wish pokemon start posing.
"Wait wait wait. You can't leave too! What am I supposed to do without you guys, go back to Eusine and watch him hunt stuff? Ew!"
Jirachi shrugged and assumed a position on Celeste's shoulder. He did his best to look ferocious mid leap to match his frozen friend.
"...Jirachi, you look like a dork."
In reply, the wish pokemon pouted and stuck out his tongue at Celebi. He froze that way. The statue now stood as a monument to how Celeste and Jirachi have left the universe. The collected pokemon had a moment of silence. Palkia started fidgeting in his face-plant and Dialga nudged him.
"Alright, better question. How do I get back to Earth?"
The question was barely uttered before a sound happened. This sound could be written as *POP* but would more accurately be written as "the sound of a million people simultaneously making a *POP* noise with their lips. Regardless...*POP* happened, as a small pink pokemon appeared, spinning in place like a top.
"WHOOOO! I heard Palkia was breaking out Space Shrooms! Cross my palms, its time to PAR-TAY!"
The mischief pokemon stopped spinning and gave off a huge grin. He then realized that this probably wasn't the time...but still kept grinning. Palkia shuddered.
Brah...you're such a try hard...
Shut up or he'll hear you...
Celebi rolled her eyes. Of course. She resigned herself to her fate.
"Hey Hoopa. Apparently you're my designated driver back to Earth."
"Oh. Is that all. Yo Palki-brah! Keep me in the hoop you hear? ...Get it? Hoop? Loop? Because I'm Hoopa? Yeaaah, I got it what whaaaat!"
Palkia, Dialga, and Celebi shuddered. Celebi looked up at Arceus, who assured her that no, Hoopa could not see the Celeste statue or Arceus. It's just a cameo. No need to get him involved in anything else.
"Ah...just get me home safe."
"You can count on me babe. But whaddya say we pop into a-"
"Not. Happening. Home."
"Hehe, gotcha. But answer my calls once in a while kay? Alright, lets do this HYPERSPACE FURY STYLE!!!!"
A wormhole ripped open leading from the bubble dimension to somewhere on Earth. Celebi looked back at Palkia, Dialga, and Arceus.
"Well. Nice meeting you all. Until the next time Dialga court marshals me I guess and...Doctor?," Celebi looked at the statue, "I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I never should have made you get that sword."
"Girl, why so down?" Hoopa reached around Celebi's shoulders, "Here, lemme make you feel-"
A resounding *SLAP* was heard as the two were sucked up into the wormhole. It didn't immediately close however. Arceus kept it open for one last thing. While Celeste no longer played his part, Giratina would never allow Arceus to house the Anglachel in his domain. Not when Arceus was not the sword's true master. The Veilstone Sword in Celeste's hands slid out from his frozen grasp and shot into the wormhole, descending to Earth with a new master in mind. Arceus closed the portal and saw the new events ahead unfold. And it was good.
...Alright guys, get up. We're appearing on an interview show later so you better look your best.
* The signal for when Jirachi casts Doom Desire is "A star twinkled in the sky".
And that's it. Hope you enjoyed reading it at least a fraction of how much I enjoyed writing it.
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 29, 2015 0:03:27 GMT -6
The following posts are from the supposed-to-be-non-canon-but-here-they-could-totally-be-canon Team Nova Mailbag episode featuring the Cosmic Cast. Please enjoy.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QSOTsdul3wWith a fanfare of trumpets, the stage exploded into a cloud of blue and pink confetti. The swirl of garish glittering glitz swept up and showered over the proceedings, sweeping the entire recording studio into some sort of vortex. Cameras feeds were cut, headsets disintegrated, and Mankeys were swept up and sent astray into the whirling mists of the space-time continuum*. Anna hurriedly found and opened an umbrella. (On a totally unrelated note, the planet-wide tension between the cults of Butter-side-up and Butter-side-down was reaching a boiling point. The latest in a large number of failed treaties was being observed by the two church leaders and their executive parties. The outlook was hopeful, as an agreement had finally been reached, and the words "mutually beneficial" could be uttered without tripping a lie detector. But just as Empress Marialiana of the Butter-side-down Nation was putting pen to paper, a very angry ball of fur materialized out of the whirling mists of the space-time continuum and ate her face. The planet was subsequently plunged into all out war and many people died horribly, forcing Arceus to retcon this not-terribly-funny joke of a scenario into one involving cute kittens, ice cream, and the consumption of one by the other in the best possible way.) Appearing in the void, the stage was surrounded by a celestial bubble of glowing lights that were at least 120% more golden in hue than your average glowing lights. Still swirling in the air, the confetti turned bright green and bundled together into a massive sprite-like figure hovering over the audience. "Hello world!" The large Celebi announced in a booming psychic voice, "We of the outer realms are pleased to bring you THE. MOST. EPIC. MAILBAG. SESSION. EVER!"The confetti confection conflagrated and Celebi as you know her burst forth, holding a microphone in one hand, and a very surprised and even more weightless Anna in the other. Celebi held up the microphone to Anna's mouth, which moved to the words Celebi was projecting like a ventriloquist dummy. There was a very firm "what the hell is going on" look on her face. "Now! Let me introduce our guests!" *BOOM*Large cinema speakers burst into existence at either side of the stage and began, quite literally, pumping out sick beets. The decaying vegetation was accompanied by a not-quite-so-literally sick back beat that would be described as "totally gnarly brah" by the pink plush figure that materialized out of the equally pink beet juice on the floor. A surfboard shot out of spatial flux and flew past the Substitute doll, picking it up and zooming a figure eight above the audience stage as its occupant rapped to the rhythm. Heads up when I see ya
'cause my name is Palkia
I'm the wave-ridin' deity
with verbal spontaneity!
Yo bro! I'm in the know,
it's an interview show!
And I'mma show up yo' go up
and stuff yo' timey-wimey blow-up in my-*SLAM!* Spotlights audibly appeared, shining about the room as prismatic crystals hovered in the air to meet them. The dazzling disco display of diamonds divided the light into its full spectrum of colours. The blue part of each aimed specifically at where Palkia was riding, not only spatially but temporally, knocking him off before he even got on it, dropping the pink plushie into a puddle of beet juice. Another Substitute doll, this one blue, materialized out of the light, holding a hammer aloft. As the two dolls tussled, the hammer came down repeatedly, and with each rhythmic impact the bass boomed through the room and the crystals lit up like equalizer bars. Call the name Dialga
to hear true rhythmic regalia!
For this pink knave of waves
Cannot think, less so behave.
He lacks a verbiage loquacious
more so vacuous and spacious.
It is I who you must seek
to answer questions that you speak!
Dude, your flow is hella low,
God of time? Your timing blows!
Your choice of words? It's transparent.
No wonder space is incoherent!
In con't hear your sucky verse!
Your phraseology is worse!*CLICK* The music cut, just briefly, and then restarted again, but this time not as a beat but as a melodic choir. A portal of white clouds opened up above the stage and a young woman who looked exactly like Anna in a sparkling red cocktail dress and heels descended, touching the ground as the choir faded off, letting silence consume the stage. "Now now you two, settle down. I think we have some explaining to do." Celebi chuckled "That's all you ever do, isn't it? Explain things." And then set Anna down who had just recently regained her senses. She approached her double. "Uh...um...yeah, just explain everything. I think I've gone insane." The other girl smiled. "Certainly. That's Celebi, the two miscreants there are Palkia and Dialga. And I'm Arceus." Anna blinked a few times. "...why does Arceus look like me?" "I decided to look like you today. Probably for fanservice. I totally rock your look, don't you think?" In that moment, the two girls gave each other a look that cased the blood flow of the predominantly male audience to spike. "I'm still getting paid right?" "Oh yeah. A whole lot, don't you worry." "Alright then," Anna smiled devilishly, "This is going to be great!" Bring the questions forth! Let us make a hasty start!
Hammer-head yo' better check it! You're all words, no art!Anna turned back to Arceus. "What's with those two?" "They're having a rap battle." "...Now?" "Yes." "So they're goin- "Going to answer all their questions in rhyme. Yes. I hope that's not a problem." "Hey, at least I'm normal!" Celebi chimed in. Anna shrugged, "That's kind of a pity, you could use a gimmick. But anyways, I don't know if anyone can hear me wherever we are, but if you can, please send in your questions for Celebi, Palkia, Dialga, and Arceus!" |
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 29, 2015 0:04:11 GMT -6
Kept you waiting huh?
BOOOOO!
"You totally forgot about this, didn't you?"
BOOOOO!
...Let's get this over with then.
Spotlight on Palkia Substitute, Dialga Substitute, Celebi, and Anna-Arceus. A stage made of clouds ripped forth from the regular transdimentional stage, and strobe light flashed about, scrolling through pink, then blue, then pink, blue, pink, blue, green, pink. Pink.
AWWW YEAH! MIC ME!
Q: Do you have a dealer, and if so can I contact that person?
Hey! You gotta ask what kinda brudda'd take the task.
What hard street punk I'd let touch my junk?
Where ain't there laws to cause the fuzz to take
their lousy paws out to my drawers? Gotta make
yer trip to trip yer balls to Oz! Yo Anna, show him a good time!
"Oh yeah, you're tooootally street. Stick to the Cowabungas."
I call foul! Fuzz does not rhyme with laws!
Q: If you had a Mega Evolution would it be A) Tubular, B) Gnarly, C) Radical or D) Far Out?
Gnarly is hardly a monkier fit
for the radical panic of wit that's iconic for
me! Far out is chill but I'll doubt it'll fill
when I'm milling your face as a
Totally Tublular Megavolution-er
Gracious Bodacious Fallacious new ruler of space!
"...he's pretty good."
He's just making up words! Tag out! Tag out! Ask me something!
Blue! Dialga's toy hammer suddenly sprouted microphone grills.
Now Stop! It's hammer time!
"He finally said it! I can die fulfilled."
Q: If you could go back in time to Gen. 1 so that you'd have the most OP typing, why haven't you?
In all of time exists this deity.
At every instant I can so appear.
No need to travel like a Celebi!
And as we speak I'm whipping Mewtwo's rear!
FOUL! NOT RAP!
"I agree. Needs more street. Try saying 'shizzle'!"
Q: What made you such a prude, a bad experience with Palkia's space drugs perhaps?
...
Fo'shizzle ma nizzle I tell my rhyme!
Forsooth, there lies a crunk memoir of beef
Betwixt my artistry, Fabric of Time,
And blood relations, hence wherefore my grief.
My elder rolls up, marks me with a glock
and says "thou better move before I cap
ya boy!" But I am slain, and find in shock
that Palkia, jacked up on scuttle wrap
hath sold security for spatial dough!
With no help tither, Giratina raged
and deep sixed time until the po-po showed.
My father banished him, his powers caged.
Behold my legacy, repent I must.
For precious Time, there's no one else I trust.
Dialga bowed.
"Um...woah. Is it too early to call a winner?"
WIPE OUT BRAH! LEMME BACK IN THE TUBE!
Pink!
Q: Have you ever encountered any blue Police Box looking objects in your travels through space?
No.
...
OH DAMMIT I NEEDA RAP-
Too late. Green.
"Wait, I actually got questions? Cool!"
Q: What is your social link level with Jirachi?
"Um...uh....6...? What's the reference point here?"
Q: Have you ever been seduced by a human?
"No. I'm the one that does the seducing."
Celebi was suddenly made aware of her actions during an alternate universe Christmas party. Her eyes light up.
"Awww, drugged Jirachi is so adorable~"
...No comment on the human then?
"Eh, stuff happens."
...I suppose I'll have to take responsibility for fanservice later then. Anyways. Blue!
Q: You're the god of time and diamonds are forever, does that make Arceus the greatest pun-maker of all time?
Dialga looks at its toy hammer.
I have no choice within this game of lame
word play that makes an unbecoming shroud
of nonsense, all unworthy bits of shame,
But diamonds are a symbol I wear proud!
Twas not my father who decreed my gem
My brilliance is where that pun doth stem.
Dude! Quit being so full of yourself!
I'd like to see you reach that upper shelf of art!
My Pearl for a start! My symbol's as genius as yours!
How so?
Brah, I know you know my metaphors,
Space in motion, depth in dimension,
waves in the ocean, black-whirlpool conventions.
And right above all, my skills are my jams:
Polishing pearls and eating out clams! Aw yeah!
Hammer came down. Record scratch.
...Alright. Stop. Stop the beat. Was that a sex joke? How can you make sex jokes? You don't even have a body!
Your mom said otherwise.
We don't have a mom and if we did they'd be the same mom!
Well how about the chick I did last night then?
You are a god! We don't have days or nights and unless we get a sister there is literally nothing you can even have a semblance of copulation with!
...
I just said that didn't I?
Dude. One, you sicko. Two. No wonder you're so frustrated all the time.
Palkia and Celebi high-fived. And on that note...Pink!
Q: Would you ever do Dialga?
Bro? Uh...no homo...but no. No homophobo though, fo sho!
Q: Would you do him in a house? Would you do him with a mouse?
I would not do him in a house
I wouldn't do him with a mouse.
I wouldn't do him here or there
I wouldn't do him anywhere!
Q: Would you? Could you? In a car?
I would not, could not, in a car.
Q: Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?
Oh **** you question guy, I'm not doing the whole thing. Gimme something real to clutch with my cleverly lyrical lexical cunnilingus.
Disgusting.
Come at me! Not...not that kind of...ugh, next question! You're throwing me off my game!
Q: Are there things going on in other dimensions? Maybe things involving dancing skeletons, crystal dragons, kingdoms of the heart and the like?
Oh...if you could see what I could see!
Magical lands, brought to life by the hands
Of those thirsty for stories and literature stands!
A space station race of outcasts find their place
like the lotus that blooms on the lake but stays dry.
A new generation whose fate's destination's
determined by firm rules and rolls of a die.
A world made of others, a Kingdom of brothers
by Heart, teamed with Fantasy worlds on the side.
And a world connecting them all yet to start.
All this, and yet it is just a part...
and woah...dude I got like all serious there.
I approve.
"I don't"
Finally, Arceus stepped up, addressing her...his...its audience.
"Alright! That's all the question we have for these three. Up next, are the questions I've received personally. Quite a number might I add. We're about to take a break, but I'll answer one question first. For fanservice's sake."
Q: Why male models?
Fanfare erupted from all sides as the back of the stage materialized a curtain and pulled it back. From the misty depths of the extradimensional netherealm sprung a group of men, each dressed in a perfectly tailored suit or shirt. The fabric clung to their sculpted bodies as they marched forth, one of them, who looked eerily like Riley but younger and hotter, stopping to kneel before Arceus.
The god in the form of Anna's body learned over with a cute smile and brought her hand to his chiseled jaw. He began to stand, but in one swift motion Anna-Arceus swung her her legs over his head to straddle his broad shoulders. She slid down his back as the man turned to face the crowd, nothing visible of Arceus but a single arm reaching around, groping his chest and taking hold of his tie. And in the next instant, she had spun around him, pulling the tie loose and ripping open the buttons on his shirt revealing a six pack. He turned as she slinked between his legs, coming to the front while never ending contact with his body. She fell into a dip, the man holding her as she came down, and on the way up she held his arm tight to her chest. She finished their little routine by facing the audience with a smile.
"Ready to take a break, Anna?"
Below in the front row, where regular Anna had been sitting the whole time, a man that looked like a younger and hotter Eusine was kneeling before her with a rose.
"Yes. Yes I am."
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Post by HHDeception on Jan 29, 2015 0:05:08 GMT -6
We rejoin the Nova Mailbag Season 2 Finale to find two Annas lying peacefully on platforms floating low above the stage. They are dressed in red cloth togas, and all around them are perfect specimens of men, similarly dressed in cloth, but only from the waist down. Each Anna had at least four of the men tending to them, holding palm frond fans, massaging feet, hands, and back.
"Mh...ah~ Oohhhh yeah right there. So this is what it's like being a goddess?"
"No. I'm just pampering you for fanservice's sake."
One of the men popped a grape into Anna's mouth.
*nomnomnom* "You're doing a really really good job. Oooh, ah, ah higher, yes~"
Meanwhile, far enough above the stage as to not ruin the mood...
Toga! Toga! Toga!
Oh be quiet. Let Father have her moment.
Palkia was dressed in a makeshift toga. The substitute doll was effectively stuffed down one leg of a pair of swimming trunks, but it had the same effect. Celebi gazed down at the scene below.
"Mmmm that looks good. Palkia, gimme a toga."
A green toga made of foliage wrapped itself around Celebi.
"Perfect," she said lying back while still floating in the air, "Now do the massage part too!"
No can do brah. I don't got hands. The substitute wiggled little stubs.
"Pft, well do some space craziness then and make it happen!"
Cheyah. Your funeral!
"Eh? Oh! ...Ooooh...woooooooow~"
Celebi rolled her eyes back in pleasure and drifted off into some semi-lucid bliss as Palkia seemed to just wave its arms around.
...What are you doing to her?
I rapped about it in that last segment.
Meanwhile back down on stage...
"So, Anna, care to ask me some questions?"
"Mmmmm oh that's good...certainly Anna. You sure know how to treat a girl."
Words simply floated in front of Anna's face as she began to read them out.
Q: Who would win in a fight between Palkia and Dialga? How utterly boned would reality be during/after the battle?
"Hm...well, if there was a universe that Palkia might lose in he'd just take the fight to another universe. But Dialga could never actually be defeated since if you beat him at one point in time, he'd still exist in others. Conceivably there could be a point in time in every universe where Dialga beats Palkia, but unless they all occur simultaneously, Palkia would still exist in another universe. And likewise for a single universe where Dialga beaten in all points in time. So really, they'd be better off doing...that."
Arcues pointed up. Palkia was doing some kind of ritualistic pelvic thrusting in a circle around Celebi as Dialga was slapping no-sells on him with his hammer.
"I've tried to get them to learn Chess instead, but one of them smokes the pawns while the other puts the bishops on trial. And reality would be fine since I'd retcon the fight as it happens. Oh and for record, in pokemon forms Dialga would win. OHKO with Draco Meteor."
Q: Oooh, oh yeah, there! ...oh, sorry, What is your favorite Nova Ship?
"Well the Academy was technically a massive Airship so if that counts then no, I'm not dumb I'll answer properly. Celeste's parents. They've been mentioned so they totally count, and it's completely canon!"
Q: Mmh...ah...Hypothetically speaking, can you be affected by Heart Swap?
"Me? Naw. The pokemon form of Arceus? Maybe for a few seconds. Probably less than a second if I had a Mind Plate. The stat boost part would work for sure though."
Q: (OH! Ah, yesssss!) Why/How does Mega Mewtwo Y have more BST than you?
"That's like asking how Zekrom's BST is higher than Kyurem's. The Arceus you've seen isn't even complete. Just wait until you see me with all plates at once. Glorious!"
Q: Why haven't you Judgement-nuked Nova yet? (mrph, there, right there!)
"Maybe not in your universe. But it never works out well. The fire and brimstone, rivers and seas boiling, earthquakes, volcanoes, zombies, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together...not nice. And besides, there's Masterballs. Eugh."
Q: What advice would you give...(Harder! MM! yeah~)...to an unlucky schmuck who has to fight Giratina?
"Bring Masterballs. Use StarBurst. Make a Red Chain. Imprison Shadow Force then Perish Trap? Humans have been conquering pokemon for eons, it's practically your nature. You figure it out. Just...keep him away from the Distortion World. He's still very godlike there."
Q: oooooh...How...many seconds do you expect Celeste to last in the fight against you?
"Technically zero since it happened off screen."
Q: If Celeste's hair was spikier and the Anglachel bigger, could he have succeeded in slaying a deity like so many before him? Oh, you want me to roll over now?~ Yes sir~
"It's not the size but how you use it! And in the Anglachel's case it could be a butter knife and still have almost the same legality. The hair would definitely give him a better chance though. As it stands, he could use a visual distraction."
Q: Thoughts on humanity in general?
"Mostly Harmless. Well, to me anyways. The things you do to each other make me glad there's only one of me."
Q: Thoughts on human ingenuity? (Ooh! that's good! keep...on...oooh! OOH! ooooooh!~~)
"It's why I respect humanity so much. It makes you all gods of your own domains."
Q: Any...favourite...Pokemon...?
"I like to remain impartial. I'm proud of every single one. Yes, even Giratina. He hates it when I say that."
Q: If not for Giratina, would you have ever interfered in mortal affairs?
"I gave up my arms to give them the Unown. That wasn't in response to Giratina. The Unown are my power, and I shared it with all of you. Magic symbols that combine in an infinite myriad of patterns and create universes in their wake. I said before that you're all gods of your own domains, I mean it!"
Q: Palkia's space drugs - awesome or amazing?
"Totally whack dude. I say that sincerely."
Q: The stick up Dialga's rear - removable?
"No. He'd have none of that, and really I think it gives him personality and a sense of purpose."
Q: Giratina's origin forme - what he looked like before Jirachi was split from him?
"It's what he thinks he looked like as a god. You know, like when a teenager goes goth? Don't tell him I said that, he might add more spikes or wings or red on black."
Q: Now that you've been the RNG goddess, would you like to take her on a date?
"Hm...I dunno honey, would you take me?"
Arceus suddenly realized that she's been asking herself questions for the past while. Anna was completely zoned out under the blissful pampering of her reverse-harem.
"Oh...whoops. Well that's the show, hope you all enjoyed it! Maybe I'll see you all in another non-canon event. I make a mean Christmas punch. Boys! We're leaving!"
Up above, Dialga and Palkia were playing their own version of rock-paper-scissors where they actually materialized said objects and tried to gravely injure each other with them. Celebi was still soundly asleep.
"Ah...I'll just do it myself."
*Clap Clap*
And in an instant, the stage returned to exactly how it was before. Back on Earth, no gods in sight, army of Mankeys present, perverted audience, ratings through the roof, and cameras pointed directly at the only object on stage: A sleeping Anna wearing nothing but a single cotton sheet.
Business as usual.
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